Today I woke up rested, refreshed and regenerated; no pain and no outrageous or dramatic emotions. YAY!! As a matter of fact it is 5:48 am and I am waiting for the first glimmers of sunlight to go for a long walk.
I knew this shift would create some immediate changes in my life because the more resistance and fear I have to work through the bigger the inner shift (usually). The first indication was an abrupt change in doctors that occurred yesterday. I imagine other people will fall out of my life pretty quickly here as the effects of our energy expansions are now showing up faster in our every day physical lives. The things, events, circumstances and people whose energies/vibrations no longer resonate with us separate with a speed that can leave one dizzy. Well, at least it sometimes leaves me dizzy.
The good news is that things always seem much better AFTER all the changes occur. The transitions can be a bit rough though.
Today I am grateful for:
finding the blog of one of my favorite authors (Laurell K Hamilton);
Finding a new doctor who seems to match my philosophy on healing and patient/doctor relations;
my baby sister and her wonderful support;
my body’s ability to bounce back from some pretty intense physical reactions to my spiritual processing;
my darling cat who tries so hard to help me heal;
the ocean and being able to live so close to it; and
the return of my hope.
I am always excited when big changes occur in my energy and I get lovely visions and explanations of what is happening. Then it all begins to integrate into the physical. Right now I am having a difficult time with that, mostly because I don’t handle uncertainty well (haven’t quite thoroughly tapped into the my own trust yet). I went through a big change last week, dragging my feet the whole way. I have been recovering since and am in the void that always occurs before new stuff shows up in my every day life.
Everything about this particular shift feels sluggish, including the integration process. As I mentioned either in a blog or recent article the most immediate shift was the need to change doctors. I believe a job I was going after also shifted, the timing of it or the actual job – not sure which. I will know on Tuesday. I also have no desire to make art, attempt to go to events to meet people, or do anything to promote my business. I am definitely in a resting time.
That would normally be fine if I wasn’t running out of money or if I trusted that all would truly be ok in my human life (I know it is for the ‘real’ or true me but I need it to be that way in my physical life too). I find it difficult to relax and enjoy life when I am worrying about my finances. Each time I am aware of the worry, I breathe deeply, do energy work to expand anywhere I might have contracted, and choose to trust. It seems like I end up doing that a lot but I am not sure if I am actually trusting more or becoming more vigilant about worrying. My choice is to trust more!!! LOL!!
I plan to meditate today on all of this with the intention of connecting better to trust and receiving some guidance for the next steps on my spiritual evolution path.
In the meantime I have been listing my desires/choices in my head for those steps and am sharing them below:
I choose to be grateful for the inheritance that has supported me these past 4 years and to know that I will continue to be supported financially fully and comfortably in my human, physical, life.
I choose to think good thoughts about people all the time and, in general, expect the best.
I choose to love myself so much that I take appropriate care of my physical body with food, exercise, and health care.
I choose to open all the inner doors to allowing a mate in and follow the guidance from my higher self to be in the right place at the right time to meet him in a timely manner.
I choose to adopt ways to handle my emotions when they feel bad without overeating, spending money or complaining.
A beautiful thing happened to me last night. I had just gotten off the phone with a friend who was doing a great job in supporting me emotionally. Although things are ok right this moment, I am experiencing a lot of fear around finances because it doesn’t look like things will be ok in 2 months (not enough income or savings).
I have been feeling a bit guilty and ashamed that I haven’t been able to trust more, that I feel fear a lot, that I haven’t changed the energy enough to open the financial doors for me, and that I am spending a lot of time embracing all this fear and reminding myself I am taken care of at all times.This has been taking up a lot of my time and energy lately. I know what I see with my physical eye is not the total sum of my existence but I also know I wish to be comfortable in this physical world and it seems that there is some part of me that does not allow it consistently (either financially or emotionally). I am also aware that all of this has been more intense lately because it is time for another deep healing around it.
So last night after my phone conversation I began intending (again) that I believe in my intuitive information that I will be alright financially even if I cannot intuit how that will happen. I reminded myself that my friend supports me and that there are always various aspects of god around me helping out (spirits, angels etc).
I am not sure what was different this time but something changed. I dropped into my heart more and I felt an incredibly comforting presence around me. It looked like an angel stroking my face and hugging me and it felt like a higher aspect of me. All the fear went away and I was at last fully present and aware of a spreading sense of ease and love. I felt as I imagine one would feel if one had the perfect mothering love, unconditional and consistent. I also felt myself softening and surrendering to it. The presence was beautiful to look at and fabulous to feel.
I received no answers about how my financial situation would improve only that I would be fine and that fine meant still living in an apartment with enough food to eat, busy and enjoying life. I totally believed it with all my being.
I noticed late last night when the fearful thoughts began flitting across my consciousness again I was able to move back into that loving, comforting, supportive feeling. I am still feeling it this morning.This is what I have been craving – relief from the constant fear and reconnection with the deep knowing that I am love no matter what is going on in my physical human life. YAY!!
As we spiritually evolve we expect certain changes and certain results. I certainly think of a more evolved person as someone whose life force shines brilliantly from his/her eyes, exhibits passion for life (or at least something in life), has overcome a lot of limiting thoughts and emotions, and has a lightness of being about him or her. These people are often living their destiny or ‘on purpose.’
That may be another limitation I need to heal because of course an evolved person can look like anyone/anything and have any qualities. However, there is an element of magnetism for me no matter what he or she is like.
I met someone today who epitomizes this more integrated being that we are all moving towards. I met a new doctor who is compassionate, intelligent, extremely knowledgeable, and understands his role as a consultant rather than a dictator. He explains everything as if he believes his patients have a brain. He is very present and clearly passionate about his work. When I met him it was instantly clear that he is living his highest good and has integrated much of his potential, not to mention the presence of the wonderfully wise, healing and compassionate angel that walks closely with him. The doctor is a true holistic healer, focusing on the entire human rather than looking only at a handful of symptoms. I am very grateful to have met him and to be able to work with him.
I am inspired by his example. I am more hopeful about my own integration of my intense spiritual side with my physical being.
I am noticing signs that things are changing for me. One of my main complaints has been how intense and special all the spiritual shifts and visions have been but I haven’t noticed much change in my every day life. My emotional reactions are very different but I didn’t think I was attracting experiences or people who matched a better energy. It just seemed like I have been repeating over and over the same patterns – sound familiar??
However in the past few months things seem to be falling slowly into place. Ok, excruciatingly slowly!!! I made friends with someone who lives here locally whereas in the past my friends have all lived elsewhere. Also, we have some similar interests OTHER than spiritual growth, which is something I have been asking for/intending for awhile. People are attracted to the weekly healing circles I began two weeks ago. I also have a strong potential with a part time job that will give me some money as well as support some internal changes.
Now I have understood for a long time that thought and belief have to change in order to attract change in the physical world but sometimes I need to see results in front of me before I can fully change my beliefs. Hopefully, I will soon reconnect with trust and detachment deeply enough that it won’t matter what is happening outside of me. But I haven’t yet.
There are finally enough signs in the physical world that I am beginning to believe more consistently that this IS a new phase of my life and my growth. I am also beginning to really trust that I WILL be ok financially even though I can’t figure out how and I do not yet get the intuitive information details about it. It is the information I have been given repeatedly throughout the year but I have felt disappointed about the timing and then sort of gave up.
SIGH!! Yes I have been on an intense spiritual evolution and through many changes and STILL go through periods of giving up – even when my mind AND my intuition tells me it will be ok. And YES I get frustrated with the depth and breadth of my doubt. Time and time again I am reminded that no matter what I am taken care of I just am a bit too vigilant about guarding against all the hardship I experienced in the recent past. However, I have written and been intuitive told (over and over) I will not be creating my future out of the past – now I just have to believe it.
This integrating the spiritual into the every day life isn’t always as smooth as I would like it to be!!Hope yours is going wonderfully.
When one is moving into the higher vibrations all the people events and circumstances that are still mired in the lower vibration energies fall away. Sometimes we can gently extricate ourselves, sometimes there is a natural change and sometimes something dramatic has to happen to remind us to let go. I like it when the natural changes occur, where it seems like the person or event or group was never in my life at all. I don’t miss it or them and I don’t spend hours analyzing what happened before remembering (or getting the information intuitively) that I made a leap in consciousness and whatever is leaving my life doesn’t resonate with it.
Unfortunately, sometimes I hold on. When that happens the releasing isn’t comfortable or easy, although it always happens at some point because too much energetic friction occurs when it is time to let go or move on and the energies no longer resonate between two people. Eventually there will be fire or conflict of some sort, which may or may not clear the air but often results in the releasing that needed to happen. My experience is that this kind of a release is accompanied by a lot of hurt feelings, so it is kinder to gently let go when one is nudged to do so.
Doesn’t all that sound wonderful and so loftily spiritual? It usually ends up being messier for me than I want.
I am experiencing more gentle changes in my life but when it comes to people I have been very close to or family members I have a hard time detaching and distancing when it is obviously time to do so.My emotions are rarely in sync with my energy/spiritual changes. Sometimes I hold on to the point of creating a lot of internal angst, then one of us usually says or does something very hurtful that creates the distance or end of the relationship.
I experienced this recently with a sister in law. In this case I got triggered by something she wrote and responded from my heart and intuition in a way that wasn’t as kind as it could have been. Her reactions, and my brother’s, reminded me why I needed to let go of close interactions with them. I was triggered because there is something within me to heal and shift but also because it has long been past time to let go of any emotional attachment to them. I am working on forgiving myself for my part in this and compassionately asking for healing for the highest good for both of them. I am also focusing on healing my inner issue that caused me to be triggered in the first place.
I am pleased that I recognized what was going on the moment I began reading her response and that I did not react in anger. I appreciate all the signs of positive change. LOL!!
It is my intention to live more gently and to pay attention to the intuitive guidance that tells me when I need to detach from emotional entanglements with people, places, events, beliefs or things.
or whatever works for you.
When I get stuck in worry or fear I am often directed to do something that will fully engage my mind so I can allow the inner shifting that is necessary at the time, or so I can stop blocking my higher self from bringing to me what I need. Today I went to the movies.
In the middle of the movie I allowed my energy to make a shift that has been coming for over a week. It is a big step further into faith and less separation between the energy of my body and the energy of my soul. Some inner block was opened and all kinds of old energy was released. I saw all kinds of spiritual help to lead me and support the integration.
Now I am calm. Some of the same thoughts floated through that I had this morning before the movie but the emotional charge is gone. They feel like memories do once my vibration has made a major shift - like they were from long ago or another lifetime.
So even if it seems odd, if you are directed to do something that will engage or distract you in a positive way when your life seems depressing or full of fear - GO DO IT. It is part of letting this spiritual evolution integrate into your every day life.
I had some rather revolutionary thoughts today after realigning with my higher self. These interesting questions came to me: What if it is not in alignment with my higher self for me to have a job right now? What if my financial situation is absolutely perfect for me at this time and what am I learning or healing because of it?
This wonderful insight came after much mental chatter. I have been grappling with reconnecting with my heart’s desire, especially with sorting out what is in my heart and what is leftover from my ego. I do not have clarity on that yet. I have also been visiting a lot of self doubt and self-blame energy, in addition to the fear, around my financial situation. As I was contemplating all of this during my morning walk, I saw a sign this morning outside a local coffee shop that read something like this: ”If you are depressed, perhaps you have miscounted your blessings.”
This got me to thinking about how much time I spend focusing on things/events that I do NOT consider blessings which led me to my belief that if things are not flowing in my life I must be doing something wrong, which reminded me of something I recently read and re-remembered – that we are all in the absolutely perfect place for us for maximum spiritual growth. Today as all my thoughts were whirling around about my struggle to find a job or working ‘harder’ to build my business I also began wondering about my ego’s part in all of my ‘delays’ or side trips away from financial abundance. I am also not sure about what to focus on for my life (as a goal) as what I thought I wanted has not come to me in 10 years. This is why I blame myself so much because I assume I have done something wrong or am still sabotaging myself or what I want has all been constructed from my ego and I still haven’t discovered my heart’s desire. SHEW!!
So here I am going round and round, not feeling particularly great when it struck me that if we are in the perfect place for our growth and I don’t feel good then I might not be in alignment with my higher self. So I intended that alignment and yes, indeed, I was pretty far out of alignment. Once I shifted I felt better and those afore-written thoughts came to me. I could feel all sorts of inner emotions and energies calming down.
Now some little troublemaker inside wants to say that I like that thought because it is an excuse not to get out there and pound the pavement more to look for a job. But it feels like an aha rather than an excuse so I am going with it until it doesn’t feel right. I am being led deeper into my understanding and acceptance of how things work at a higher vibration. The resistance to going there and to knowing this has been dragging me down. So I embrace my situation fully, accepting the experience as a mechanism for fabulous growth, knowing I can create a joyful life from staying in alignment with my higher self NO MATTER WHERE IT LEADS ME!!