I spent the past three weeks in a health crisis because of some pretty intense inner conflict and resistance. My poor system needed relief of some sort and I was so clogged up energetically and emotionally that it was trying to let off steam physically. Of course the health stuff then contributed to me feeling even more scared, which didn’t help the emotions.
I prayed for help and did receive some lovely energy assistance from a good awakening facilitator, Linda White Dove (www.lindawhitedove.com), as well as bits and pieces from several other individuals, but you know how it is when you are not ready – nothing moves. I must have needed to spend more time being still and wasn’t listening because my car began acting up so I took it in the shop and the car I thought I could use wouldn’t start either. This whole week I have been without transportation and so drained because of the inner conflict I didn’t want to walk to any place too far away. I have had plenty of time to be with myself.
So how goes it with you? Are you noticing all the changes that you are being directed to make?
I am in a phase of experiencing rather than writing. It is very unusual for me. I know that many of us have had shifts in our lives to align with the change in our vibrations or we are in the middle of the shifts now. Part of my changes has been to more focus on my books and my activities, less on the computer, articles and blogs. I have also picked up my sewing again. I am participating in some local groups whereas for quite a while I was very isolated and internal. Last year I tried 7 different groups and couldn’t make myself continue with any of them.
How do you feel?
After all the self-improvement, spiritual awakening, and listening to your inner guidance, how are you? Are you appreciating and enjoying life more? Do you stay in alignment with your higher self or get back into alignment as soon as you notice you have drifted a bit? I notice my journey back to alignment is faster than ever before.
Instead of feeling bad about myself for days like I used to when I am around others who are judging me, sometimes I don’t even notice. However, sometimes I do feel bad or upset for a short time. I usually get out of it pretty quickly because I am in contact with the inner eternal aspect of myself that is loving and expanded. It is the natural me, the real me and I no longer resonate much with the false me that has played the earth game of feeling bad about myself. It is only when I lose that conscious contact or understanding that I allow myself the experience of not feeling good.
I know the main driving spiritual force in my life has been the desire and commitment to exist in total faith while living an every day life in the world (rather than as a monk). I have described it as living every day as the god I AM, with no illusions or duality covering any of it, while in a human body. Living that way all my needs are met because I am in the flow of co-creation at all times.
As I move into the higher dimensional living these core desires/drives/purposes get uncovered and I become them more and more. It shows up in every aspect of my life but none more dramatically as with my income, mostly because money is such a touchy and hard issue for me. So right now as I need money it shows up but only exactly as much as I need and only when it is needed for something in alignment with my higher self.
So rent money shows up the day rent is due, not a moment before. I don’t make or earn anything ‘extra’ to put in savings. Part time jobs are offered at the right time even before I need the exact amount of money they will bring me. When I apply for jobs that are not right for me, I either don’t hear back or something goes wrong in the possible hiring process. For instance, I recently applied to work Christmas at a local store. They sent an email telling me to use their automated system to schedule an interview. When I tried to go to the page their link sent me to, no schedule could be found even though the page clearly says use this page to schedule an interview!!
I also do not get money for whatever is not in my highest and best good. I want to go back to the doctor to get different medicine for an ongoing condition that I think is not being handled properly by my current meds. At this time I do not have enough money to do that. When I could calmly ask my intuitive guidance about it (after demanding that the money come because my needs are supposed to be met) I clearly heard that the new meds would harm me in other ways and that I have been asking to heal some food addiction issues and the current meds will handle my condition if I choose to eat differently. So it is all connected and all designed to support me at my highest and best good, in alignment with my highest self. It is not designed to make me happy for right now, although in the long run the joy potential is tremendous.
Another interesting side effect is that psychics can’t seem to get any information on how I can earn additional income, just as I cannot get information for a monk friend of mine about her future place to live. We are both in a spiritual/energetic place of walking in faith and our higher selves are no longer letting us pretend otherwise. Is there something in your life that is similar, something that doesn’t seem to make sense or that is stubbornly refusing to change for what you consider to be better? My guess is there is a core purpose being served and if you can connect with that purpose all sort of shifts will occur.
I know we will become very comfortable with this way of living and think nothing of it but the transition is a teeter-totter balancing act between what we have been taught and have always done and what is true for us now. My expectation of what higher dimensional living would be like has been shattered and now I am finding my way each day through and with my strong internal guidance to what it actually is. I intellectually knew it would consist of my needs being met at all times but I forgot the part where there would be a lot of sifting out of what is needed vs what is wanted and I sort of romanticized my level of trust and acceptance of the timing of it all. Now I find reassurance standing side by side with fear and worry as I move further into trust and acceptance. It is a growthful time indeed.
I notice I am having a hard time catching up to some of the changes that have already happened to me.
I have used all sorts of behaviors to make me feel better – eating, shopping, raging, trying to merge with a man, complaining to friends etc. I would get an energy/emotional rush from it and at least suppress whatever emotion I didn’t want to feel anymore.
I was led to a job at a bead store last September. It was so synchronistic there was no mistaking it. And, at first, I loved it. It was perfect for me. I talked to people all day, I dressed casually, I learned a lot more about a craft I love, I taught it to others, and it got me out of the house while I was waiting for all the shifting to settle down until I knew what was next for me. I also came to know that I was and still am helping a lot of people evolve spiritually – both directly with words and more diffusely with energy.
But things began to change and by December it was not as pleasant as it was at first. Partially because I am so impatient and partially because a new assistant manager was appointed who was not as easy to work with as the manager. By the time the manager went out on pregnancy leave, I was really not liking it. However, no matter how often I looked for another job I could not find one. Even when I was having a little inner temper tantrum about it, I still knew I needed to stay there (well maybe for a day or two I thought I could leave).
So when I am going through a ‘healing’ opportunity I am often desperate for ways to feel better. In February an old, deep issue came up again for possible healing. I don’t know about you but not only do I go through all the feelings that were suppressed around my issue but I also go through anger and upset that I am going through it again!!! Not very productive but one of those things I have not healed yet.
When I am in the middle of the shift I need help in feeling better so I don’t wallow in fear and anger and sabotage my own spiritual/energetic/emotional growth. I have four websites I go to often to read beautiful uplifting messages and to remind myself who I truly am – What’s Up on Planet Earth with Karen Bishop, Messages from Matthew at Matthewbooks.com, Crimson Circle, and Celia Fenn’s website (Starchild Global – I read her logs).
I was so sure it was intuitively right to leave my job. I planned three trips in April and May. I was happy at the thought of not working there anymore.
But my irritation at being there had more to do with my reactions to others’ words and energy than my own inner needs. As I lay in bed for 2 weeks with my second bout of the flu I had time to come back to myself. I had the space to feel my own inner heart and processes. I remembered that it doesn’t matter what others are saying, thinking, feeling or acting out. My commitment is to my own spiritual growth and to walk being the compassion and love I know I am.
I have been committed to a pretty intense spiritual path for a long time now. Yet I still struggle with my faith.
It isn’t that I don’t have faith in God or my higher self. It is that I worry that I will get in my own way, time after time. I am not as naive and optimistic as I once was. I know how bad it can get now. And the intuitive info is coming calmer – not a big push where it was easier to follow even if I was very afraid at the same time. It is smaller. It is a small knowing or a small breathe of fresh air.
Hi there, I might actually be coming into the present times with technology by finally starting a blog. However, I cannot figure out the editing so this will be rough for a while until I do.
I was going to do a newsletter but decided that was too stuffy. I like things fluid and it gives you, the reader a chance to respond to me.
Things are interesting right now aren’t they? Lots of movement, some of which is not so comfortable. Those of us who are wayshowers are tired and out of sync with others who are just beginning their spiritual ascension. The thing to remember right now is to be true to yourself.