I have allowed a few people back into my life that are really only here to show me how much I have changed. However, because I don't have very many friends and think I crave the companionship, I continue to try to have deeper relationships with them. But as of today that stops. I am choosing higher vibration living. I am choosing to learn to love myself so much that I am ok being alone and I am also open to new friends and acquaintances.
I have been afraid to do this but it is time. I have had to let go of so many people I didn't want to continue doing so. However, just like with anything else, I cannot hold on. I need to let everything flow, including the relationships.
If you are constantly feeling hurt, put off or icked out (yes, that is the eloquent term) when you talk to certain people, then stop if you can. I have to admit when I feel hurt I do a lot of inner searching to make sure my ego isn't just put off and I needed to hear what was said to me. Most of the time that is not true.
This is all part of my quest to have things be easier and really embrace the sacred joy of all of life. I can appreciate the reason these people are in my life, I can really acknqoledge and love their souls/inner beings, and I can also choose not to be around this part of God's energy. So can you.
You may be having some frustration understanding why you are reacting certain ways or doing certain things (or not doing the things you need to or commit to). Look deeper into it.
I earn part of my income by sometimes clean vacation rental homes. Most of the time my ocd-ness around cleaning means I do a great job. But once in a while, the vacationers complain about my cleaning. I used to beat myself up, wondering why I just didn’t do a good job for that time and sometimes my cleaning is great (not that anyone ever compliments the cleanliness of a vacation rental but at least they do not complain). I had thought the problems occur on those days when I am particularly angry about earning money through cleaning houses. So I figured all the crap I get when someone complains was payback for my ego’s irritation.
But that isn’t true. It turns out if the renters I am cleaning up after have really icky energy I just don’t go to certain areas to clean. I do my best to check everything before I leave, sometimes taking a lot of extra time to be sure. It doesn’t matter. If some part of me does not like the energy, I don’t even see the dirt or problem EVEN WHEN I AM LOOKING RIGHT AT IT!!!
Remember all those channelings about people being in the 3rd dimension not even seeing people in the 5th? Well apparently the opposite can be true too.
Take a deeper look at what is going on with you. There may be a very valid and telling energetic reason for it.
What if we look upon every experience, person, event, thing in our lives as God and stop focusing on the physical so much? It takes away the judgment about all that stuff, promotes self- responsibility, and can affect great changes within you and your behavior.
I have a tendency to get very panicked when I am relying on a particular job to provide me with a certain level of income and the person paying changes his or her mind. Since I work freelance this happens more than I like. What I have noticed, however, is that if I remember that the income flows from the universe and can show up through anyone by many different means (I have many income flows to me these days) I reconnect with trusting that all is well. These days the money does usually show up in unexpected ways.
This concept applies in so many ways to so many areas of our lives. When someone new or someone I knew long ago comes in my life and I am triggered by something he/she says or does, I am usually much happier and handle it all much easier if I look upon them as pieces of God’s energy being attracted to me for a purpose. Part of that purpose is to help me uncover whatever is triggered. Bless their hearts.
Conversely if someone fabulous comes into my life and leaves quickly I can let go easier because I know that wonderful aspect of God’s energy will come back into my life through some other way. Isn’t that brilliant?
There is a certain freedom created through self-acceptance and trusting that all is well. It is a beautiful thing.
I am not really sure which comes first because I have reconnected with both at the same time.
When you trust that all is well you don’t have to be so tied into what other people think or trapped in a job/situation that you hate. As we open more and expand spiritually our self-acceptance and trust in the universe grows. We then become less and less attached to our fears. It is then so much easier to make clear decisions based on your intuitive guidance.
When I am afraid to speak up or to make a mistake because, like in my childhood, I believe on some level that something very bad will happen to me (and you never knew what actually would be a mistake until someone reacted) I feel trapped and, of course, fearful. The truth is I am only trapped by my own familiar ego driven emotional and behavioral patterns, not by my outside circumstances. I can always make a different choice – if only in how I react even if I cannot find another job or have some emptiness when I need to let go of the people around me. As I am embracing my own personal power based on my connection to all that is rather than my ego’s needs and old fears, I am reacting less and less to other people’s emotional and behavioral patterns.
This personal power includes a deep level of self-acceptance of all my skills, intelligence, competencies, as well as whatever I am not so great at. Once I acknowledge I am not that great at something (and often have no interest in getting great) I relax about it. I react very little when others feel the need to point out how not great I am. I just agree and move on. WHAT A DIFFERENCE!! For instance, I know I am not good at cleaning glass. I just tell my prospective clients up front then I don’t worry about it, overanalyze it, wish I were better at it, etc. They accept or they find someone else to do it.
It is so freeing. It is true I might lose some potential clients because of it BUT I now trust that something else will come along. This is true personal power.
Thank God our higher selves and guides know better than we do and set up the exact right circumstances within which we get what we need (not necessarily what we want). Now if I could only let go of the expectations that often strangle out the awareness of the wonders I am experiencing.
I recently went on vacation. I was expecting some clarity and direction for my life to show up in a very specific way and found myself disappointed that it didn’t seem to happen, and that each thing my friend and I set out to do seemed to be equally disappointing. I even dumped all over the friend who picked me up from the airport when I got back because I was still only seeing the disappointments, not the overall magic of the trip.
This is what happened that I didn’t recognize at the time but am extremely GRATEFUL for now:
I am sure there is more to be revealed as time goes one but hey, all of that seems like enough.
Acceptance and compassion. That is all anyone needs from us. What they or I express in words sometimes hardly covers the surface of what they/we are going through in this incredible ascension journey here on planet earth.
I recently went through inner hell releasing some family obligation issues. On the surface I said no to a sister about making a quilt she wanted after I received the material and started piecing a design together. Seems innocuous enough, right? However, inside it was a big shift away from the way we interact with each other, my inner definitions (and hers) of our relationship, some limiting energy from our culture and our familial upbringing, as well as a big step towards acting as if I believe that people will love me even if I don’t do all kinds of things that are difficult and time consuming or expensive.
The surface action seemed small but it was indicative of a huge spiritual and energetic shift that is going to lead to a much lighter and happier life for me. I embrace that I am sometimes so much in the moment I express all my emotions as they flit through me without being precise about the entire process. When they are played out, I am done with them, so much so that I often cannot even remember what was going on the next day. As I love and accept myself more and more, this gets more and more obvious. I am also able to accept and witness with deep compassion and love other people’s experiences.
So how are you feeling after this past month of intense purging of old emotional patterns, thoughts, beliefs and limitations? I am kind of feeling clean and new. I find I must keep my thoughts on the present because it helps me stay peaceful and open. I have learned that mental flexibility is the key for me to handle the spiritual expansion that continues each day. This ever-present mindfulness is a prayerful and sacred way to live – and very different, and new, for me.
I notice I am immediately reacting if I forget to be mindful about anything and if it is not in alignment with my energy. For instance, when I sew I do so from an intuitive meditative place. It is joyful and peaceful. However, the minute I begin to think of it as doing something to please someone else or if I push to try to get too much done in one sitting, I begin to feel tired and sick-ish. I feel fine once I stop and rest a bit.
Right now, I need to pay attention to every decision and every interaction as well as my own thoughts as I go about my day. It is a new path for me and one I am exploring cautiously as it can be kind of intense, even though there is a lot of freedom in being this mindful – freedom from so many limiting beliefs, thoughts and emotions. I am learning to enjoy that freedom and to be centered and grounded in the face of other people’s reactions to it.
I woke up today rested, all the turmoil of the past few months a memory. I worked around the house then went to a small city-made park overlooking the ocean and backing up to the Self-Realization Fellowship meditation gardens to meditate. After thanking the ocean and the sun, and tuning out some loud individuals, I was deep into meditation when a woman’s voice cried out “ Look at the dolphins”. I was startled but got to see two dolphins playing in the ocean. She apologized for interrupting my meditations. She was so enthused and inspired by the sight she didn’t even think about what was going on around her.(The funny thing is she was standing there with her beautiful 8 month old, her own miracle, yet she was moved even more by the dophins.)
As I stood there marveling over the crystals dancing on the ocean from the sun, in the warmth on New Year’s Day, I was wondering why my meditation was so clearly divinely interrupted (at least that is how it felt to me). I intuitively received the info that meditation for me at this vibratory level is not about going so inward that I am separate from my physical surroundings but by expanding into my knowingness so much that I connect to all of god’s energy, including my physical surroundings, in my prayerful, mindful living.
So it turns out that no matter how much you think you know what drives certain circumstances or relationship behaviors in your life, sometimes it takes a while before it clicks enough that you can actually change that energy. One of the issues I was urged to purge this past week has to do with the reason I rehearse all kinds of angry thoughts in my head. I would be angry at someone for how I thought I was treated but I didn’t say anything at the time, thinking it was just me and I would breathe into it and all would be well. Well it is true that the source of the anger is within me but I generally ended up submerging it rather than healing it and then eating sugar and fats to numb out. I spent a day last week so immersed in that anger that if even the slightest bit of it comes up now I feel sickened. Luckily so much of it came up that I had a breakthrough.
I was thinking of a certain circumstance again (just one of the many) when all of a sudden I had one of those lovely perspective shifts. I was angry because it was so difficult to work with a certain friend and the only reason I was working with her was so she could have some extra income, but I thought she wasn’t appropriately grateful nor did she support me in the work we had to do at all (as a matter of fact some things were actually harder because she was there). It came up again last week even though I haven’t worked with her for 8 months or so. However, it was the thought in my mind when the aha moment hit.
It turns out I was/am angry because I chose to continue giving her some work even though it wasn’t comfortable working with her. I am angry that I lessened my income when she makes a lot more than I do overall. I am angry that I was looking for some validation from her (actually I was angry she never validates me and angrier that I still want it from anyone). I was angry because she only talks to me when it fits her schedule but I will sit and wait for her phone calls, postponing my own errands or fun time. She never asked me to do any of this and I am not sure what her expectations are around it, and my relationship with her isn’t the only example of this. The issue is MINE and the choices were mine to make. It was the expedient way to handle abusive parents and so I have continued the patterns (I am sure I chose those specific parents thinking if they abused me enough I would finally break free of this victim/rescuer/codependent behavior – well I am, just a bit later in life.)
So after doing a lot of self-forgiveness work, and getting help from some healer friends, I declare that I am taking care of myself and I am loving myself. I know I am worth it. This victim energy is over - especially where I still think I have to make everyone else happy in order to get small bits of support/comfort or income (or what passes for love), or where I need certain people do to certain things in order for me to feel ok. O-V-E-R.
It is beyond time to stop pretending I am powerless even as I expand into my god consciousness in this human body. The best part is the inner calm after months of pressure building and what felt like a big cataclysmic purge last week. What a way to end the year.
So after all the inner drama and fear that came up around my guidance to move, that I shared in recent blogs, I started thinking. (Not sure if that was a good thing but it happened.) Do you know sometimes intuitive guidance comes to you just to trigger an inner change? Did you also know that it often presents itself a certain way because of inner limiting beliefs?
In my case the deeper message seems to be go inward more than I have been, to lighten up my vibration even more. In my experience I have more space to do that in Arizona because it is hotter there so I am more sluggish and less active, there are less people so it is psychically quieter and I found it quite boring (because of my interests and tastes in a certain way of living) compared to where I have lived in California. When you combine that with the fact that I am very tired of how hard I have to work to earn the most basic amount of income here in CA and that recently my deep connection to the ocean seems to have dissolved, it is no wonder my mind interpreted the call to go deeper as it is time to move.
AND it may be time to move.
I am just exploring what I know to be true from my experience about intuitive guidance. I am also making sure to focus on my expanded awareness (higher consciousness) even while I have made plans to meditate more. If and when it might be time to move everything will line up in my physical life to make it happen. Whatever is the true cause of all the fear that was triggered is already revealing itself (and it has nothing to do with a physical move) and will heal as time goes on.