So that is the message.  I see it everywhere. I even get nudged to tell it to my clients.  And yet…

I am being guided to change my website to something much simpler.  Of course I have run across a lot of other websites belonging to spiritual healers/teachers/guides that are very complicated - even compared to mine the way it is now. For some reason, I think their websites are better and will be more likely to attract clients.

When I am more lucid - I laugh.  I know it is not the words or the graphics that draw people.  It will be/It IS my energy.  They are led to me or not because I am the right person to assist them in that moment or I am not.  I know I am powerful and powerfully connected to the ‘real’ me  - my I AM presence.  THAT is what will draw clients, friends, experiences etc.

Now I just have to sit still long enough to hear or channel what words to include on the new webiste.

I am sitting in a hotel in Yuma, AZ.  I am moving to Encinitas today and tomorrow.  I decided to make the trip a little easier by breaking it up with an overnight stay about half way there. It is still the easiest, most guided move I have ever made.

I have worked hard at allowing (ok that is kind of an odd way to put it) life to be easier.  I let go of drama, healed the inner children who felt needy and victimy (hey, my blog, I get to make up the words), and kept my attention and energy in the present and aligned with my higher self.  It has taken a lot of work and focus and reminding.  But the results are great so far.

When I went to look for a place to live and was in the right emotional and energetic space for it, I was wonderfully guided right to the place.  Let me tell you about it.  It is so cool.

The first time I visited Encinitas I was attracted to a street called Vulcan Ave.  When I was younger I was a trekkie so I thought that was why, except all the apartments I looked at were also on that street.  However, the first time I went there was not the right timing for me.  I also looked at Craigs List for the area (craigslist.com, then click on the state and then city/county you are interested in).  For some reason my eyes kept coming back to a 2 bedroom house on Hermes st.

Well the second time I went to Encinitas, I also drove down (up?) Vulcan Ave the first evening I arrived.  This time my intention was just to get an idea of where to look, then I was going to the hotel to rest.  I would go out the next day to actually look for a place.  I passed a street that I was guided strongly to drive on to.  I promised to do so the next day.

I drove on to that street and it ended on Hermes St in front of the very house I kept being drawn to in Craigs List.  I already contacted the management company by email to confirm their pet policy.  They reiterated that no pets were allowed. I noticed the name of the management company again, thinking I needed to contact them.  I continued driving around,  following my intuition exactly as to where to turn.  I found myself driving down a street much nearer to the beach.  My mental self kept telling me there was no reason to be on this street as I certainly could not afford anything that close to the beach.  HOWEVER, I looked to my right at one point and saw the office of the very management company I had thought to contact. ( I am not sure why I was surprised but I was.)

I turned in right away.  I read their board listing available apartments.  Unfortunately (I thought) the only one I could afford that would accept pets had been rented the day before.  As I talked to the rental agent he asked me to look at another one for rent.  I said it specifically prohibited pets.  And then, I admit, I whined.  I said my cat is wonderful and only an indoor cat and was old and all he did was sleep.  LOL!!  The rental agent said maybe we can make an exception!!! YAHOO!!

Now the new apartment is fine - not great - but fine.  It is also cheaper than EVERYTHING ELSE I looked at - both physically and in the paper and on Craigs List.     It is also month to month.  That is the best thing because I can always find something else once I get there.  GUESS WHAT ELSE?  It is located on Vulcan Ave, which is about 3 blocks to the beach.

All of this took about 1 hour and 45 minutes on Friday morning.  See how fast it can be when one is in alignment with one’s higher self AND one gets out of one’s own way??????

Everything else about the move is going that smoothly.  No drama at all.  Even the cat has been delightful in the car.  This is a cat who has spent every move during the past 9 years (all 8 of them) screaming from the time he was put into the car until he got out.  He is quiet now.  That is the biggest and best sign that I am in the flow.

I am feeling completely abundant these days.  All the plans with my move are going smoothly.  Two different people gave me gift cards that I can use to put food in my new apartment and another friend gave me a lovely pashmina style scarf for my birthday.  I have used that thing in rain and cold.  It makes wrapping up easy and stylish.

I am thrilled at feeling abundant with this.  I don’t need a lot of money to feel abundant.  I was worried that I wouldn’t get to where I could feel abundant without a lot of money and I sure didn’t intuitively see that any real amount of money is going to come to me.

But I feel full/satisfied.  Abundant.  I love how we get our wishes fulfilled even if the physical world doesn’t always look the way we think it will look when our wishes will be granted!!!

What basically followed was a very uncomfortable weekend where my resistance came up strong and I couldn’t get any help from friends to calm down. I know now I needed to handle it myself in order to learn to trust my self more but it just added to my stress and resistance that no person was around who could or was capable of helping me. Plus, I kept getting messages to just have fun but since I wanted to move the next week I needed to find a place to live that weekend. I didn’t.

I was so NOT in the flow it was terrible to be in my body. The friend with me did a great job of playing the roles that triggered me most during this time. Finally, after assisting in a beautiful healing for someone else I got clearly to just go home (this was Sunday morning). It took going into a beautiful trance for someone else before I was able to be clearer with myself.

The following week was all about me getting grounded again, calming down and meditating. I kept my focus on being in alignment with my higher self and feeling good no matter what. I imagined doors opening within my energy and any resistance being comforted and loved. I knew I would be going back to Encinitas the week after (sometime around the 11th or so) and I wanted to be open and aware.

I even managed to stay calm during my birthday when I spent the day alone. I don’t like to spend my birthday alone because I am alone a lot. That day is for celebrating and I like to celebrate with people I enjoy. I was able to have lots of phone calls that day but not be with people in person.

Pressure inside of me kept building up beginning around Sunday Dec 7th. I felt like I was getting more and more negative and was drowning in it by the Tuesday after my birthday (Dec 9th). I called someone for help. I could not tell if this was inside of me or outside and I couldn’t get it to release or heal. I know that isn’t precisely worded because it is ALL inside of me but that is the way it felt. My sense is that it was like some pressure was being released; perhaps some old family negativity that had been deeply held within me. But it felt like I was being attacked by negative energy (or lower vibration energy – depending on how you look at it). It felt like it was coming at me from outside.

Whatever it was I was able to let it go with some incredible help from someone else (my infamous and fabulous monk friend). Then the light within me expanded immensely. I basked in it for awhile and then FINALLY felt excited about going back to Encinitas to find a place to live.

And GUESS WHAT?? I arrived on Thursday night and found a place to live on Friday morning by 9:30 am. Talk about being in the flow. It was actually a magical day all the way around. Everyone I met was friendly and informative and helpful. I consider that day (the 12th) the day I actually celebrated my birthday.

Throughout all the time in between visits I continually received intuitive info on the process. I allowed myself to shift so fast that the other place I thought I was moving to (Pales Verdes Estates, southern LA county) no longer resonated with my vibration. However, I had not quite settled into that vibration in order to be able to co-manifest a physical place to live in Encinitas by the first trip. Plus I was holding onto a moving timeline that didn’t work because I wanted to get a good price on the move. I thought it was special circumstances that created that great price. I forgot if I can manifest something at one time I can do so again. Also, there was some energy work that I needed to participate in for the Encinitas area to make it more comfortable for me. I am sure much more was going on but at the moment that is what I can remember.

It turns out I still get the great price to move anyway. Also everything has fallen into place for it all to be very very easy. It is as if the move has already taken place – it is so easy. I am spending my time comforting my brain and various other self-sabotaging parts that are having a hard time with just how easy it is. I even had a day where I could feel my brain whirling around trying to create some drama because there was an emptiness without it.

Well I have not written in a little while because so much has happened to me in my every day world that I was a bit overwhelmed and had no words to describe all the changes.  They came fast and furious and were profound.  I have read for years that once we are in the 5th dimension changes and manifestations would be VERY fast and easy.  I truly didn’t expect to be shocked by it.

Let me start with my visit to LA County (California) Thanksgiving week.  I went there to find a place to live.  At the time I drove there I thought I would find a place that week and then move December 8th.  The mover was already lined up.  This date is particularly important to me because it is my birthday and the 3rd anniversary of me being cured from cancer.  I thought it would be symbolically perfect to begin the energy of the next phase of my human life on that day.  Besides, it just felt intuitively right.

However, about a week or so before I left Tucson I began to experience panic symptoms.  Last time this happened it was a sign for me not to travel to Georgia (in August of this year, see blogs around that time).  However, since this had only happened to me one other time, I didn’t realize why I was having this panic. Plus old stuff was coming up too.  So I didn’t get that new things might have been involved. I have a fabulous monk friend who helped me breathe through the panic, opening my chakras with the breath. I just kept practicing that each time it got strong.

I was puzzled by my reaction when I got to LA County.  I wasn’t thrilled or even feeling expanded.  I went to the beach, thinking it would help to be right by the ocean.  It helped a little but nothing like I thought it would.  I just couldn’t figure out what was going on. I thought maybe I was too tired from the drive and it would become clearer the next day.  When I got up the next day it wasn’t.  I was able to meditate by the beach and get an energetic idea of where I might be renting a place and it still felt like I would find it on that trip, but after Thanksgiving.

In the meantime, I intuitively knew to go to Del Mar, a place in North San Diego County, the first full day of my visit to LA.  My intuition had been telling me that I would not find a place to live until the weekend after Thanksgiving and there was no point in looking before then, and it was confirmed the morning after I got there (Wednesday before Thanksgiving).  I have a friend in LA who was being given intuitive information that she would be moving to Del Mar.  So I knew we would be making a trip down there. I kept thinking it would be ok to go on Friday but was intuitively guided to go before Thanksgiving.

I am telling you all the details so you can see how amazing this unraveling of old expectations and guidance from our own inner god-self can be.  Also, sometimes we don’t have any idea why we are led to do something in a particular timing that may not seem practical.

We drove down to Del Mar in the morning and had a fabulous lunch at a great restaurant.  When we walked around the small town, my friend became even more certain it would be the next place for her to live.  I also enjoyed the energy very much.  Right before lunch, as I was standing on the beach in Del Mar, I found myself resentful that she got to live there and I had to move to the Palos Verdes Estates area!!  Now that was a funny thought from someone who was so thrilled to be moving to Palos Verdes Estates (south LA County) only a few days before.

I felt a lot of releasing and regeneration as I stood on the beach there.  I had attempted to do that the day before further north, where I though I would be living, but the ‘feel’ of it was completely different.  At that moment on the beach it felt like the energy there was supporting me but the energy in Palos Verdes Estates was too low and flat for me.  I asked why and got that I would be moving to Palos Verdes Estates temporarily and then move to the north San Diego Area (not necessarily Del Mar).  I still felt resentful.

We only stayed a few hours and then drove back to my friend’s home in LA.  Both of us knew we didn’t need to stay any longer there. I felt complete with the short trip.  Little did I understand it was as much for me as for her.

I went back to my hotel and called a friend to talk about my puzzling reaction to Del Mar.  My beautifully supportive friend said she felt that I was not supposed to be moving to LA County at all.  The energy didn’t feel good to her for me.  I thanked her, got off the phone and did some more deep breathing.  Then I called my incredibly accurate psychic monk friend and asked her point blank if she saw me moving to LA County.  She said no.  She would never tell me if I didn’t ask directly, because she never interferes.  Both friends said they felt that North San Diego County was the right place for me (Encinitas to be exact).  So after only 2 hours of all this I met back up with my friend who had gone with me to Del Mar and told her what was going on.  She was as surprised as I was about it all.

I felt shocked at what seemed like an abrupt change of energy and plans. But the truth was that for a few weeks before my visit to California I had been undergoing some major internal changes.  I was relaxing/surrendering more and trusting more.  Instead of constantly mentally going over my intentions I just intended that my energy be in alignment with my highest self and reminded myself I trusted the flow.  I did this over and over.    I am sure the dimensional shift in October helped make it all easier for me to do this

Well, it shifted what worked for me in terms of geography.  So the change wasn’t as sharp and fast as it seemed, but for my mind it was.  And for part of my energy it was – since I had been focused on finding a place in LA County.  Now all of me needed to come into alignment with moving to Encinitas.

It felt like I had psychic whiplash throughout thanksgiving and early Friday.  But we made plans to visit Encinitas the entire weekend (after Thanksgiving).  I was all excited because I was trying to be happy that I skipped a move.

It seems each time I made a big move over the past 9 years, I moved somewhere else for 6 months first to give me time to get used to my shifting energies.  That realization came to me that week (along with many others).  This time I didn’t have to.  I was happy about that because it saves me money (it gets expensive and tiring to move a lot) but also because that meant I am allowing myself to shift easier and with less drama.  However, part of me needed more time to get used to the shift in plans and I was still wedded to moving December 8th.  That meant to me I HAD to find a place in Encinitas that very weekend.

And we all know what happens when we are that inflexible – yes, drama and chaos.   See part 2 for the rest of the story.

because so much is going on.  I found a place to live in Encinitas, CA.  In the meantime I have gone through some heavy duty shifting.   I have not found a way to write about it properly.  I will soon.  Check back.

So have you noticed the aftermath of your processing?  I do a big healing on loving the part of me that could not allow me to experience joy and for days all the ways I have felt bitter or invalidated etc all come up - AGAIN and AGAIN!!!!! LOL!!  Sure hope I let it all go.

Last night somone I know needed a place to crash.  In the course of our conversations my resentment about my own healing/teaching practice not going the way I wanted came up spontaneously.  Then I began to panic about my future.  I thought I was panicking that my future might be as hard as my past.  But a different friend helped me realize that the panic is old and is leaving.  It was in the way of me feeling joy.  I had already forgotten I did the work on recognizing I am the joy I have been searching for.

She also helped me deal with my body’s immediate response of shutting down by breathing.  We just kept breathing in and out, imagining surrender with each breath, until I could feel the breath down through the 1st chakra.  When we began I couldn’t feel it go past my heart.  We didn’t talk, we just breathed.   Alignment with my higher self and surrendering to the flow of life energy is all that is needed at this point in my spiritual evolution.

I also did not realize how much panic energy I carried within me and how afraid I still am (or how much fear is leaving) that my future life on this earth will be like my previous years here and many previous lives.  I intellectually understand the past does not dictate the future but I intuitively know if I am carrying the same energy and fears I will have similar experiences.

So I am grateful for my overnight guest for helping to trigger more healing through conversation.

I process in all different ways.  Sometimes I just notice energy moving.  Sometimes I get pictures of times when the issue was strongest.  Sometimes I can psychically see where energy is stuck or suppressed in my body.  Sometimes, though, I am in great pain as things shift and I don’t necessarily get answers as to what is shifting or what I need to help it be easier.

This happens rarely these days but I just went through a bought of it yesterday (it actually began on Friday but was most intense yesterday).  I was feeling intense discomfort in the back of my neck.  Not quite pain but uncomfortable enough that I just wanted to lay down with my head supported.  I also slept most of the day away.  I just needed to not be too conscious while some shifting occured.  I am grateful it happened on a Sunday when I had nothing else planned.

Now I have read and experienced the truth of pain during shifting means resistance at some level.  But when I am going through it and intending over and over to relax and surrender, I am clearly not allowing it at some level.  Also, today I didn’t feel balanced and clear, like I usually do after a great shift (and only the bigger ones have all this pain or discomfort attached).  I even had a massage and still didn’t feel right.

Luckily I have a friend who helped me finish the processing tonight.  I was able to heal the part of me that would not allow myself to feel joy.  This is a part I began working with consciously 2 years ago, healing layer after layer.  After the work I did tonight I feel excited about my future, I feel clearer and lighter, and I feel more integrated.  I feel joy.

Now I feel as if the processing that began a few days ago and included some intense discomfort and lots of sleeping is finished.  At least at this level.  YAY!!

Enough to take care of my body even when some parts of me are resisting (STRONGLY)? Enough to listen to my intuition even when it seems counter-logical (is that a word?).

Sometimes.

That is the best I can do - sometimes. When I am grounded and expanded I do love myself enough to do all these things. When my inner emotional issues are up - not so much.

I am working on eating better for my energy vibration level and for my physical health. Yet there is a part of me resisting eating lighter (less food AND food with a higher vibration). Unfortunately, it is very strong. It doesn’t matter how much my head/will says I choose differently, this little fiercely resistant part of me demands processed food or too much food or something else that tends to hurt me. It would be an understatement to write I have not healed this.

I recently was intuitively guided to withdraw my money from the stock market. Now I also know the market is going to stop plummeting soon and even out so it didn’t make sense to me to sell my stocks now. However, my guidance was clear and I even received reasons (which I will not go into but involved the broker I have been dealing with and the specific stocks I invested in). I had fear about my money but worked through it rather quickly and followed my intuition. As I wrote here (or I think I did) a month or so ago, I have healed most of my money issues. So this particular intuitive guidance was easier to follow than anything I get around food.

So when the fear comes up, I try to stop and take a step back. I try to identify with a higher aspect of myself rather than the part in fear. Then I allow my awareness to expand. I breathe a lot. Once i am calmer then I actually imagine walking into the fear and breathing my light into it. If appropriate, I get intuitive information explaining where the fear began or pictures of what else is involved. My higher self decides what is needed, not my conscious self.

Unfortunately, I have not been as successful doing this when I am panicking about letting go of food as my addiction of choice. There is something very deep about this for me. A few days ago I put my foot down and decided to stop beating myself up around this. I just had to end the internal stress. I know this is healing or it wouldn’t be up so strongly right now. So I am exploring where I do not yet love myself enough to heal this. Where/When did I buy into the need for self sabotage or self-punishment in this way? I have painstakingly loved myself through healing so many other beliefs and internal agreements that were not serving me. My intention is to do the same with this one.

I just saw the movie The Bucket List. I loved it.  It is about two men who have a list of things they want to do before they kick the bucket (they both have a cancer diagnosis of 6 months to one year to live).  I began thinking of my own list and realized that as I open spiritually and intuitively, loving all the aspects of me that come as time goes on, I don’t really have a very big list of things I wish I had done or still want to do.  It has been a pleasant discovery.

That list is all about fulfillment and joy and I definitely want to feel that way every day of my life.  I thought I would have to plan extravagant events like jumping out of a plane or visiting far away places but I am beginning to feel that contentment in my every day life.  I love traveling and trying new things.  However, from this place of contentment and spiritual awareness there isn’t much I yearn for.  I am excited about what is next but am not regretting what I might have missed (too much anyway!!!!)

To me this is all the same as struggling with status issues - making more money, buying a bigger car etc.  When I am happy with myself, none of that matters (as long as I have a car that works and enough money to live on).

Lovely way to wake up on a Sunday.