So when I am going through a ‘healing’ opportunity I am often desperate for ways to feel better.  In February an old, deep issue came up again for possible healing.  I don’t know about you but not only do I go through all the feelings that were suppressed around my issue but I also go through anger and upset that I am going through it again!!!  Not very productive but one of those things I have not healed yet.

When I am in the middle of the shift I need help in feeling better so I don’t wallow in fear and anger and sabotage my own spiritual/energetic/emotional growth.  I have four websites I go to often to read beautiful uplifting messages and to remind myself who I truly am – What’s Up on Planet Earth with Karen Bishop, Messages from Matthew at Matthewbooks.com, Crimson Circle, and Celia Fenn’s website (Starchild Global – I read her logs).

I turn to my most uplifting friends.  I have two friends who live as fully as they can and want to continue to do so.  I have another friend who is so calm, I feel calmer just talking to her.  Then I have yet one other friend who is also one of my most treasured teachers.  She is a monk and she often helps loosen even more layers to be healed or released.

I have met some wonderful people online through various lists.  One of them lightens everything through her prayers.  Sometimes I get on one of my favorite lists, mystickbluespirit.com, and ask for energy help.  I also go to several funny sites to just try to laugh.

Eventually I get to the emotional place where I can think of something besides myself and my imagined woes. I believe in taking responsibility for my feelings and actions and thoughts.  But that doesn’t mean I have to do it all (whatever ‘it’ is) by myself.  Teachers and supporters show up in all sorts of places. I take advantage of them all and am grateful for them all.

I was so sure it was intuitively right to leave my job.  I planned three trips in April and May.  I was happy at the thought of not working there anymore.

But my irritation at being there had more to do with my reactions to others’ words and energy than my own inner needs.  As I lay in bed for 2 weeks with my second bout of the flu I had time to come back to myself.  I had the space to feel my own inner heart and processes.  I remembered that it doesn’t matter what others are saying, thinking, feeling or acting out.  My commitment is to my own spiritual growth and to walk being the compassion and love I know I am.

When I went back to work with this knowing, it was so different.  No irritation or impatience with either the customers or my coworkers.   No feeling of panic that I am stuck in a job I hate when I swore to myself I would never do that to myself again. I realized I was repeating and remembering a pattern where my outer world reflects my own inner dissatisfaction but, instead of looking within, I blame others for how bad I felt.

I know a lot of people who hate their commute, hate their job, are unhappy with their friends or family or whatever.  But are they really?  Are they keeping themselves in these unhappy situations because they are truly stuck (and some are) or does their refusal to look within coupled with their higher self’s support to ascend mean that their outer life is just a reflection of inner conflicts?  This is a time of revisiting our older patterns that no longer serve us.  It is a time of waiting for some as enough other people catch up energetically.  It is a time of healing deeper lower energies so we can be comfortable at the higher vibrations on earth.

I pray I will remember this always.  I also pray I will be kind to myself when I don’t!!!!

I have been committed to a pretty intense spiritual path for a long time now. Yet I still struggle with my faith.

It isn’t that I don’t have faith in God or my higher self. It is that I worry that I will get in my own way, time after time. I am not as naive and optimistic as I once was. I know how bad it can get now. And the intuitive info is coming calmer – not a big push where it was easier to follow even if I was very afraid at the same time. It is smaller. It is a small knowing or a small breathe of fresh air.

So I will be quitting my job but I am doubting it because I do not know what is next. I had plans to do some traveling in April to regenerate and already one of those plans is not going to work. So I am learning no planning. Just go with what is immediately next. VERY HARD TO DO!!! Even though this is part of the being here now spiritual way of doing things. And there have been times when I could do that -when I trusted more. Before I got knocked around by all the energy shifts crashing into physical life. Just musing here.

I know I will make the choice/take the action and see what is next. But it is interesting that after all this time I feel less sure now than I did 8 years ago when I made much harder decisions.

Hi there, I might actually be coming into the present times with technology by finally starting a blog. However, I cannot figure out the editing so this will be rough for a while until I do.

I was going to do a newsletter but decided that was too stuffy. I like things fluid and it gives you, the reader a chance to respond to me.

Things are interesting right now aren’t they? Lots of movement, some of which is not so comfortable. Those of us who are wayshowers are tired and out of sync with others who are just beginning their spiritual ascension. The thing to remember right now is to be true to yourself.

I took a part-time job last September to help bring money in and for fun. I lost sight of that purpose and began to attach to the job, worrying about how much money I was making, the internal politics, what fed my ego etc. I gave up on the spiritual growth ’stuff’ , thinking I could make a life working retail and teaching jewelry-making since I love art. I made myself smaller and smaller to fit.

After a month of being sick, I have finally let go of that attachment. Boy do I feel free. Sorry I allowed myself to get sick to make me do that but sometimes I still have to do things the hard way.

I plan on quitting soon and taking the month of April to visit family and friends. I am also planning on getting to know me again. It is easier to say keep the faith than it is to do it. Find ways to support yourself. Let your spirit soar.