I was recently upset at myself when I recognized that I still felt contemptuous about and repulsed by my body. More than that I was beyond being at my wits end as to why this is still true even after years of working on this. I know part of these feelings exist because I just have a hard time being encased in a physical body when I want to be out flying around the universe, but this time something more seemed to be coming up. As I sat with these feelings I realized I was holding on to a lot of frozen hurt, shame and memories of where I allowed or created abuse for one reason or another. They seemed to be held in my body.
I am aware that everyone plays a role in our lives, a role that we created, asked for or agreed to in order to experience or heal something, so I began by forgiving all who I believed abused me or hurt me. I forgave and blessed all who left me and those I felt I had to let go of. I felt a little bit of movement and a smaller bit of relaxation.
Then I realized that the real issue wasn’t what anyone else did to me or what I did to them, it was what I allowed and what I did to myself.
I then began forgiving myself. I specifically asked for healing for all the places within my energy and my body where I still held on to abuse/abusive or victim/perpetrator energy, and then expanded it throughout all of who I am on all levels.
Boy was I on the right track. I felt the energy moving through me. I cried, I laughed and cried some more. I shook and shuddered uncontrollably. I felt cold where this stuck energy was released and a little seasick from so much movement.
I felt my expansive, truel self a little more afterwards. And the feelings of self-repulsion were gone.