I have a luxuriously soft blanket that I love. I roll around on it, wrap myself up in it, rub it across my face, and smile every time I feel how soft it is. It cost more than I wanted to pay, and I argued with my intuitive guidance that it was too much but I was guided to buy it anyway. Just to keep it in perspective- it was only $35 and I had no warm covers (only sheets), but that is a lot of money for me.
Why is this important for me to share this with you all? Well it is a beautiful outward symbol of me coming to love myself more. I rarely allow myself any comfort in my life other than an occasional massage. I don’t deliberately deny it but so much of my life has been hard or about deprivation and loss that I shy away from comfort, as if some part of me knows it will be taken away or it will create some other kind of problem. Additionally, in spite of all the inner healing, integration and spiritual transformation I have not loved my body or being human. It is something that has recently been brought up very clearly and somewhat forcefully (so I would pay attention) for me to heal.
It was brought to my attention through a health crisis. Yes, at the very same time I have been struggling and allowing love for my human physical existence during this past month or so, my life has gotten more restrictive due to the health issue and ongoing lack of financial comfort. Also it seems my normal support system of people just vanished. Without the only external forms of comfort I had left, I HAD to turn inward or rather, I chose to because I want to be happier. What it has come down to is opening my heart to more love and painstakingly sharing it unconditionally with all the inner emotional and psychic parts of me that have never felt loved – including my body’s consciousness; and all of this WITHOUT things getting better in my every day physical life.
I can feel the difference in my body’s response to me. Before when I asked what it needed, I heard in a very plaintive and sad voice “to be loved”. Now it has allowed some transformation and is able to communicate more sophisticated thoughts and reactions as we work together to heal this.
I was guided to buy the blanket to enjoy the softness and to have a tangible reminder of the increasing inner self –love. I love my blanket.