Everything in your life is there to support me in one way or another. I find for me growth comes from most of it. I have really wanted to release, or at least accept in a non-emotional way, shame and drama in my life. So what happens? All sort of circumstances contribute to ‘helping’ me by digging up whatever shame is there.
For instance, I have been struggling (and struggling and struggling) with some food issues. It started when I was very young and fat, although today I would LOVE to weigh what I did when I thought (and was called) fat when I was younger. Now I have brittle diabetes and STILL cannot stop eating the carbs/sugars/processed foods that contribute to my ill-health. It is true diabetes runs in the family but food choices can make managing it easier. I have been ashamed about a lot of circumstances in my life – my low income, my loneliness, the way I earn money now, and the way I eat. I have accepted most of it most of the time but these days the food/health is up strongly. Plus I have had this inner belief that I can heal from anything so what is ‘wrong’ with me that I cannot heal this health issue or the addiction to foods that make the health issue even worse? I find I am ashamed about it.
I know today’s focus is loving the part of me feeling very ashamed and like a victim because I can’t last even one day without eating inappropriately (no simple carbs/sugar or processed foods). I am also trying to love the part of me that feels I need to be so restricted and therefore deprived in order to be somewhat healthy. This involves tapping into the love that I know I am so I can feel satisfied and safe.
All part of the self-acceptance, self- love journey I (and all of us) are on.