Sometimes moving to new levels of being take a lot longer and create a lot more turmoil than we want. I started a shifting process last November that culminated 2 days ago (thank G’D). During it I had a lot of health issues pop up, including needing surgery. The last piece of the inner shift happened after doing a very hard physical job 7 days in a row, ending the week with a LOT of anxiety and restlessness. As more time passed last month and week, I also became angrier and angrier with my life (or at least that is how my mind interpreted it). On Friday, I took some St John’s Wort and Rescue Remedy, tried calling two people who can usually help me (but were unavailable), and finally, f i n a l l y, settled down to love up the part of me that was so agitated.
Instead of finding an inner child or ego part that needed love I found a higher aspect of me that was waiting for me. It showed as a male. I knew immediately that it was a wiser, higher vibrational aspect of me, although for some reason it amused me that my mind interpreted it as male. I thought all I needed to do was merge with it. I tried but it remained unintegrated so I stepped back. I then calmed down enough to listen.
I discovered most of my agitation and not feeling loved or supported in the past few weeks was due to my disconnection from the deeper/higher aspects of me. Some part of me was ready to connect/integrate but other parts have not been. I understood this during previous shifts but forgot in the midst of my latest phase of agitation. There was some other knowledge imparted to me and then this higher being of mine/and the ‘me’ I was identifying with were ready to integrate. First I saw myself walk into its light and then I began to feel. It was a warm slide of yummy energy into my awareness; a spread of inner satisfaction. I wallowed in the bliss for a little while, then became aware of how quiet it had become. When I have all that agitation from not hearing or listening to my higher guidance, or because I am getting ready to shift or because something is going on in the human mass consciousness that is affecting me it is very psychically noisy. After this integration it became quiet. Two days later it is still quiet.
Two days later I am still not irritated or triggered by having to work a job I do not love to earn barely enough money to have a roof over my head and a car to drive. I am not as angry, anxious or panicky like I was in March. There is much inner satisfaction. I am now in a rest period and am able to put more energy into being more physical (to exercise again and to get back to a craft project that I love). I love these kinds of experiences.