My resisting ego showed up this morning as a hurt, arrogant male energy fighting for his survival. First his energy interfered with some processing I was in the middle of last night ( I had to just stop and do something else), then he took form and talked to me in my dreams last night, then he showed up in meditation this morning.
He was hurt and angry that I was trying to push him aside. This part of me felt it had done me great service with all the protecting and holding on to ideals. I thanked him profusely for his service to me. I then reminded him that I am not trying to kill him, just balance him with softness, wisdom, intuition and heart. I also reminded him how hard he works to stay vigilant and we looked at how battle weary he has become (even his armor is dented and tarnished, with pieces missing) trying to hold on to territory that clearly isn’t helping me at all. Wouldn’t he like a health upgrade so he is stronger and can enjoy life more? Then we reviewed many scenes of my physical life that have been harsh and looked at what all the inner conflict has created in my life and in my body. He agreed to change, calmed down and allowed more integration.
He got bigger in my vision and began glowing. His body healed its wounds and even his hair changed from straggly grey to thick, curly dark brown. His armor kind of dissolved and he turned golden. Then he integrated into the beautiful divine feminine energy that I uncovered within me over the weekend. Beautiful. The process that was interrupted by this part of me is continuing.
Note: I am aware that I am referring to an inner emotional part of me. Those parts show up intuitively as fully developed personalities in my meditations and spiritual work. Sometimes they are inner children, sometimes they are one dimensional grown-ups. They are often hurt or weak or dirty or undeveloped looking until they begin to heal and integrate.