Friday, 10 December 2010 20:10

The Next Level of Integration

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Tonight I sit here with softness and peace in my heart after two tumultuous weeks of change (after a few months of resisting this latest shift).

I reached a tipping point a few weeks ago (as a friend calls it).  Prior to that my restlessness, my resistance and my fear reactions were so overwhelming I was miserable.  When I am like that the income flow ceases, although a wonderful friend was right there helping me to focus on the possibility of income flow from creative endeavors. She mitigated some of the extreme drama I tend to get into when I am resisting tipping over into the next phase or level of higher vibrational living. It is a pattern I apparently still follow.

I strongly resisted because I could only see the changes I didn’t want – earning most of my income doing what did NOT make my heart sing, possibly selling off more possessions, not having enough time for me or for art, maybe not having a working car, my body hurting from cleaning houses and the physical labor involved in other jobs, and less and less focus on spiritual healing –for me and with assisting others.  However, what has happened is that I opened a door, and scooted through, to a greater level of inner peace and joy. I am successfully integrating my perception of what is spiritual with my every day life.  It is kind of as I have described but not as I expected.

I have described it as being motivated by my own energy, my own sacredness, so that it doesn’t matter what I do or whom I am with in the human every day life.  It is more than that.  As I continue to integrate at this level of being-ness I am definitely inspired by my higher self as an aspect of God.  The surprise is that I am actually MORE engaged with my physical world rather than less and there is peace in that too.

Every single client drawn to me and every part time job I am drawn towards still involves me helping others.  I notice there is always some teaching involved even if the job is not directly spiritual (incidents spontaneously arise that create opportunities for me to remind people of their magnificence and connection to God).  I am closer to my friends than I have ever been and I am beginning to find the balance in working and alone time, carving out pieces of time for art and meditating.

Each choice seems to lead to something in my life being more nurturing and easier for me, even in the smallest things. I sold an end table and rearranged my living room to accommodate the shift in furniture.  It now feels cozier and I have carved out an area that is waaay more comfortable as an office and sewing space. More than that, after two years of living in this apartment I finally love my living room. I find that, at the moment I no longer have any urge to sell anything else I own.

Oh and my car stopped acting up as soon as I tipped into the newer energy of me.

I also am more discerning with my energy because I trust that I am creating income flow and abundance no matter what I think is happening in the moment.  I was even able to discontinue working with a client as I was intuitively guided rather than stick it out because of money worries.

I had felt very powerful in my spiritual work and very disempowered in my every day physical life.  This entire year has been about bridging that gap.  There is no gap any more.  It has balanced out and integrated.  I feel more whole inside too and much more peaceful, no longer needing to strive for healing.  It is like a switch was flipped and I am no longer practicing separation (even in thought) between my physical 'outer' world and my inner energies or higher vibration spirit.  I let go of the ego's need for that separation in order to feel important. 

I felt this particular step up in dimensional living quite strongly as I did it even though I think I am still surprised at the current results. I am quite comfortable, even joyous, at my level of contentment and creation.  I have never lived any length of time with the inner critic so calm.  I like it.



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