Spiritual growth comes the ways we allow it. If we close off one way, it shows up some other way. Sometimes we have to approach various parts or phases of it from many different ways at the same time.
Mine often comes with beautiful and exciting visualizations, information, and discernible energy shifting. I had some of that this week (see my yahoo group for my description of a beautiful integration of a higher aspect of me while working with someone else– down2earthspritstff on yahoogroups.com) This past week it has also come via eating differently and some emotional work done for a program in which I am participating, both of which I was guided to do by my intuition. (This is what I call practical spiritual stuff.)
I switched to vegan eating a little over a week ago. Not just vegan but about 80% raw with hardly any fruit and no grains (I will eventually begin sprouting them). I have been amazed at myself at how I just did it considering I have been guided to do this for about 7 years and couldn’t stick with it. But the time is now, so it is happening.
I have been detoxing since about the 4th day, which is not pleasant but it is informative. It means my body reeeeaaaaaaally needed this change, to give it a break physically and to help it catch up with the energy shifts the rest of me already went through. I have already noticed that I generally feel better, even though I cannot put my finger on exactly what is better physically. However, in my spiritual work there is a greater clarity and ease that is noticeable. I move quicker into the higher vibration needed to support my clients with their healing choices, and, more importantly, I am staying in that higher vibration longer because my body isn’t fighting off the effects of harsh, and sometimes toxic, food that it doesn’t want or need.
Additionally, either as part of this detox or as part of some emotional inventory work I am doing, I tapped into some deep hurt I had not healed yet. It is hurt I have visited before but now I am approaching it on a much deeper level. How can I tell? Because today when I woke up I felt much lighter after all the emotional flow that happened yesterday when I tapped into the hurt. I feel as if I opened a door to a place where I had stuffed a bunch of that hurt while trying to believe it didn’t matter or was already healed.
You know how our higher selves are – we are put in situations where we get to learn or heal, if we choose, and where the people we interact with usually participate in that healing in some way. So I had help in opening the door to this deep hurt by an insensitive and controlling family member who so brilliantly (and easily) triggered some deep feelings of non-acceptance and invalidation. I also was helped by an acquaintance innocently asking how someone could get to be my age and not have experienced something that I keep thinking I desperately want to experience (life with a mate/partner). It just wasn’t part of her reality so she couldn’t understand it.
I am reminded that if I didn’t have this stuff to heal no one would be triggering me. After all the emotions released I was able to embrace that thought easier (LOL!!) and bless that family member and acquaintance for the role played in all of this. I also realized that anything I am using as a focus for holding on to old emotions is just a distraction. If I didn’t already have a belief that I needed something outside of me in order for me to be acceptable or loved or whole, none of the expectations or desires would matter. For instance, if I accepted myself totally as I am I wouldn’t still have the belief that I need to please anyone else in order to survive or be happy, yet I still have some of that I struggle with. There are a lot more examples but I plan to write them up in another blog.
I am aware of the more practical nature of this phase in my spiritual evolution because of my experiences this week with my reactions to my change in eating and my emotional work done while following my intuitive guidance. I did not know what would result from following that guidance, but I have enough experience to follow any intuitive guidance that comes to me this strongly. I am pleased with myself and my growth.
I came home from my first day on the job in such excruciating pain and so dead tired all I could do was lay down. Let me tell you, I was scared. I called friends to ask for their help and I asked for help on a yahoogroup, where I got a lot of advice about stretching and office ergonomics rather than any real intuitive help. I thought I was not going to be able to continue with the job because my body couldn’t handle sitting all day.
I was in such fear that I forgot one of the basic tenets of this ascension process we are going through -that is if we are shifting some deeply held fears or if there is a lot of resistance, it will hurt!!!! It has to come out some way and through the body (rather than emotionally or shifting energy) is often painful.
I received some help discovering the reasons for the pain from a very intuitive friend. bless her. One of the reasons was left over fear from when I had a full time job where I was treated horribly. Part of me had not let go of that completely and it was triggered by taking this new job in an office. I had been trying to avoid that when I was looking for a job. The second reason was I still had a belief that if I took this job it would take my focus away from what I am passionate about, which is assisting others along their spiritual evolutionary path, and I would be stuck doing jobs I don’t care about the rest of my life. I know, kind of dramatic but it was there.
Once I was able to identify what was going on I was able to allow the flow of healing to be easier and my body pains went away within hours. Seriously, I was a new person by the end of the second day!!! I am even able to relax about the job and how much time it takes out of my day!!
It was a good example of the practical application of all this spiritual shifting. I was reminded of all of the following:
As soon as I was able to relax and allow the fears to be blessed and heal, all sorts of new business came my way and some wonderful new ideas were presented to help me spread the word out about new possible classes and the upcoming teleconferences. I am sooooo grateful for the incredible positive changes in my life.
My choice and my commitment have been to live for my highest and best good. I have tried to make each choice from that perspective, until recently. I chose to take a part time job that I knew was not in my highest and best good because I could not heal the inner stress caused by scarcity issues that were showing up as very low income.
And the job looks perfect – hours are good, people are supportive and funny, I laugh a lot, the boss is very laid back, dress is casual, the supervision is hands off enough to be comfortable, I get to talk to people all day, it is close to home, I have no real responsibility and it doesn’t require a lot of effort or intelligence. It seems like the perfect part time job to augment my income while I continue to focus on my true passion – my business and my art.
However, it is not in my highest and best interest. It could be because I attracted this job from the energy of desperation so the vibration has been too low since then (and nothing works when attracted from desperation) It could be because I need to learn to trust without getting a job. It could be I am not ready to be around that many people (in person or on the phone) and I cannot keep my energy vibrations high or clean. It doesn’t matter why, it just is not in my highest and best interest to be there and that is enough.
The shock of doing something day after day that is not in my highest and best interest after years of choosing to do just that is taking its toll. I am tired all the time. It takes effort to raise my vibration at the end of each day. I found myself slipping back into some hopelessness energy. I can’t muster up any passion for what makes my heart sing.
I know I need to leave this job and now I am allowing healing for the scarcity issues that demanded I obtain it in the first place. Although I definitely trust more than I did a few weeks ago, it is still a hard call to decide to follow the highest good rather than the more practical path of supplementing my burgeoning business with a part time job (which MANY people do). I also want to make sure it is not my disappointment that is driving me to this decision – disappointment that my business is taking so long to take off (as I know it is going to) or that I had to get a job for which I have no passion, something I swore I would never do again but DID!!
The truth, as I know it, is once we get to a certain vibrational level of living we cannot stand to be around lower vibrations for too long and the vibration of this job is lower than I am comfortable with. So I am handling this with a lot of prayer and sitting with my intuition until the timing becomes clear. I am also embracing and loving all my scarcity issues in all their forms. I am also appreciating the contrast in vibration as I know that will spur me to choose activities and relationships with matching vibrations to mine.
For as long as I can remember I have been whining that I want the transitions due to my spiritual evolution to be easier. I have prayed, asked and demanded. I chose over and over to release all the drama. Now that I have a very obvious example, I am resisting!!!
As I have written before I have a part time job now and much about the job is perfect. It sure fits the list of what I wanted in a part time job, especially the amount of income I earn from it. However, it puts me right smack in the middle of lower vibrational energy for 5 hours a day (it was 6 hours but I reduced it), 5 days a week. I have been receiving messages clearly and distinctly for over a week to give notice but I haven’t been able to do it because I am afraid that I cannot create the necessary additional income (or more) with my own business or that I can find another part time job that will be at a vibration high enough for me to be comfortable.
I have been struggling with following these intuitive messages because they are just declarative sentences (and because I don’t trust my manifesting skills). I haven’t felt the rush of the need to change nor do I hate the job. I get along with everyone there and the job keeps me busy, some parts of it are actually fun. In short, there is no drama about it. When there has been drama I respond fast but I have been sitting with this even though the messages are strong.
On Thursday the pressure to quit was turned up. A new person was hired who is very loud. Then another one was interviewed who may be hired who wears very strong perfume which I am allergic to. Both things can be remedied with loving conversation but it is obvious the circumstances are becoming less and less comfortable, not to mention that I am finding myself a bit more irritated each day at being there. So I guess this is where my resistance is creating an increase in the drama that I have been familiar with.
I have also been exploring my inner self to be sure that the messages to quit were not coming from my ego not wanting to work this kind of job but all I can find is that the lower vibration energy is harsh on me. This is a clear example where the practical, every-day choice is conflicting with higher dimensional living.
So here I have been asking for it to be easy and now that it is, I am resisting. There has not been any drama around the need to quit; it simply isn’t the right energy for me. What a lovely example of how things can be and a beautiful lesson for me. And I am quitting on Monday.
I use all sorts of patterns to distract me from what is really going in inside of me. If fear is coming up I might pretend to get out of control with my eating habits, or obsess about money or what my business is (or may not be) doing. Lately I have been distracting myself by focusing on the lower vibration energy of the job I took to ease my money worries.
Yes, it would be in my highest and best interest to not be in such a place each day yet my highest and best interest was clashing with the very practical need to attract enough money to live in this physical world comfortably RIGHT NOW. The truth is it was a simple decision to stick with the job or leave it but I was blowing it out of proportion because of some intense fear that I thought was about the job interfering with my passion – assisting people in their spiritual awakening and being able to continue my own intense spiritual evolution.
I had a big breakthrough on Saturday that once again made me realize that much of the ‘stuff’ I was going through over the past month or so was in reaction to some pretty intense fear of what my next level of spiritual awakening might bring and had nothing to do with the job at all. I was reminded of a particular process to address whatever fear is coming up without needing to know the details while working with two clients. It makes it easier to process through the fears. Isn’t it wonderful how my clients can teach me and remind me of who I am and what I already know while I am assisting them?
While using that process I was able to embrace and address the fears that have been so strong within me and move through them. I then moved into a deeper awareness of my true self and integrated more of my true or higher self into my consciousness and body. It was only then that I came to know that the struggles over the past month have been in reaction to this fear that wanted to heal.
I woke up in peace today. Yesterday I woke up still processing, but today I am calmer and more peaceful. I have chosen to stay with the part time job for now and I am moving forward with offering classes locally while researching how to do it online. Everything seems effortless after I am able to stop resisting the natural flow of my spiritual evolution.
Sometimes your higher self nudges you to do things or make choices that are perfect for your spiritual growth but may seem very scary or disappointing for your every day life if you are not in an accepting or trusting place.
Today I launched a new website but the day my web designer mentioned changing it to take advantage of new software that allows me a greater degree of control I stressed out so badly my body shut down for a day or two. It felt right, I really wanted it but the opportunity hit the same day I had to pay rent, the same day the last little bit of money came in to be ABLE to pay rent. I wasn't sure if I could afford to pay to change my site.
But I am committed to trusting in the midst of fear when my intuitive guidance is so strong. So I now have a redesigned, beautiful website that reflects me better AND the money came from a cleaning job and a donation by a fabulous friend. I also know I needed this redo in order to handle the future of my business.
There are times I am guided to cancel a trip or distance from an acquaintance or take a part time job I really don't want. I do it because the guidance seems strong. Usually there is a second reason that is not obvious. It is true that I will be able to make changes faster and it is also true that the energy of my website needed to change and will carry me through the next level of my business. BUT more than that, it was a great exercise in healing some deep fear around money. The jobs have given me money when I need it and they have also helped to bring up other issues that need addressing (different ones with each job).
So back to trusting.
In order to counteract the effects a job is having on my energy, and to heal some issues around scarcity that are up, I go to the beach every day and pray with the ocean energy. I live about 4 blocks as the crow flies from the beach anyway but somehow actually being at the beach and seeing the ocean makes a difference.
First I sit quietly as my body relaxes and my psyche begins to respond, then I expand my awareness to interact with the consciousness of the ocean herself. My vibration raises and it becomes much easier to commune with my higher self/soul. The combination of feeling my higher self easier with the ocean energy is fabulous. This energy soothes me everywhere I am jagged, fills in all the holes, and reassures the worries/anxieties/fears. I am fully present. It is amazing how calming and relaxing that is.
I am grateful for this support. I am finding the constant nearness of such lower vibration energies kind of grates on me. It is, however, doing a beautiful job of triggering every single emotion/energy within me that has not completely moved into the higher frequencies.
Tonight I sit here in total awe and gratitude for god and me. I am in touch with satisfaction, calmness, inner peace and joy. At this moment I accept myself EXACTLY as I am. I think it is a miracle because:
I am still bigger than most say I should be (in spite of releasing 60 lbs over the years).
I am older than most think is attractive.
My body doesn’t conform to what is considered attractive either.
I dress for comfort, not for fitting in.
I am poorer than most say is comfortable.
I am more unconventional in my spiritual beliefs than most say is appropriate.