Sometimes your growth process looks like you have come to a full stop. That is usually when either the deepest integration is going on or the deepest release. Even if it seems like it goes on forever we need these times of seemingly nothing going on too. I have been undergoing immense inner changes, as have MANY of you all. It looks like an increase in my outside ‘other’ work I do to earn income. It also looks like an increased focus on mundane events and things.
Yes I reacted to that. I got scared and upset that my life seemed to be going that way instead of continuing to be full of fun, spiritual magic and visions. But now that I am into it a few more months I am finding the magic shows up without any drama. The magic is integrated into the mundane now – there is no separation. Part of me is let down a bit because I thought my whole life would become the magic I experienced once in a while when reaching blissed states. I didn’t realize that when my higher self integrated more into the physical, the physical becomes the magic. There is no drama about it, no special moments that are obvious and separate from other moments. It becomes one long stream of sacredness.
When my inner child calmed down enough to notice, I embraced the everyday magic and my life began flowing better. I am more confident that the changes I would like to see in my life will occur even while handling the way my life actually is a lot easier (and with less frustration – YAY). I also talk to my spirit more and pray a lot more. It seems natural.
We can sum up all the intense inner and outer shifts in consciousness as a return to love. We are jettisoning everything that has kept us from recognizing acceptance and love in all its forms. Before I began learning to love myself I would spend a lot of time fantasizing about what I might do if I won the lottery as a way to escape my everyday life. I spent so much time in these day dreams that I disconnected from my life and it became more and more intolerable.
But as myconsciousness has expanded, my self-love has grown and so has my confidence and my connection to my self-worth. I am not as resistant to my life and my attitude has changed dramatically. There have been some minute improvements in my physical life but overall it is mostly just a perception shift.
However, I am finding some of the very things I used to fanatasize about are now a part of my life. For instance, I used to dream of being able to pay for a personal trainer and that I would take time to really work out to assist in the healing of my body. Then I was guided to join the local YMCA last December and am now learning to exercise gently as often as I can, even when I am dead tired and working too hard to make enough money. Part of my fantasy also included always having lots of flowers around. I love flowers and seeing them makes me smile. I noticed in the past month that I have started buying flowers at a local discount place. Having them in my room lifts my spirits.
I would have told you I could not afford these things but I really think that was just an excuse because I didn’t think I was worth the effort. Yes, it all costs money and there are months when I feel I am working just to pay the rent and for these things (plus a car repair bill that just never seems to go down). It can get weary if I focus on that. Today I am focusing on how I am manifesting the more important things I used to fantasize about all the time – without winning the lottery. I am calmer in my life more accepting overall and doing these things to support myself have made a difference in my ability to continue my spiritual evolution.
The more you love yourself, the more limiting and coping patterns release.
You know how you can tell if you have released an emotional or behavioral coping pattern? Pay attention to how you react to even the small stuff. If even a tiny vestige of that emotional/behavioral pattern shows up you have not healed it yet. Seems like that would be obvious but it is easy to be in denial. These patterns show up in all our interactions.
I just had my 'people pleasing UH OH what did I do wrong stuff' show up when someone unsubscribed from my blog mailing list!!! There are a million reasons that could be possible as to why he unsubscribed but my first reaction was 'what did I do wrong?". I am allowing healing now.
Healing the "feeling wrong and needing to please people" aspects of my personality seem to be up for me right now. It goes along with loving myself thoroughly, which is part of this phase of my spiritual evolution (or maybe it is the main reason for it). So I am really noticing it in all aspects of my life. I am sure you are experiencing something similar with your own coping/inner patterns. I must be super ready to change this because it is being shown to me over and over, in every relationship and in all my thought patterns. So I am noticing how systemic and deep it is, focusing on healing it each time it becomes obvious and then moving right into additional self-love.
I am being guided to change: to erect and maintain boundaries, to love myself more, to enjoy myself more and to value myself enough to say no more often no matter what others’ reactions are. Progress seems to me to be very slow but the process goes hand in hand with opening to the true me in my spiritual evolution.
I have been too accommodating. I have been so willing to drop everything I am doing to help my friends, or do what they want to do. I put off my own activities to sit on the phone and talk. I even cancel much needed jobs to visit when they want to. I once almost flew across the country because a family member wanted it even though I was running a high fever and couldn’t breathe very well. So I get my feelings hurt a lot when they only want to fit me in their schedules when it is convenient for them, unwilling to rearrange even minor errands to see me after I drive for a few hours to visit, and when they get very angry at me when I must take care of myself (as in the case of cancelling the cross country flight because I was too sick to fly).
Do I need new friends? Do I need my own boundaries? YES
You know how it is - when it is time to change, your higher self ramps up the opportunities to do so. You will have a new boss that is the embodiment of all you are trying to let go of, your friends’ behaviors will become more obvious and irritating (or hurtful), or you might react stronger to everything. You make different choices, and then you react. I shook for almost an hour at one point last week after telling someone I would no longer make anything for her (jewelry, art). My actions were based on me wanting her approval and love and some underlying fear that she wouldn’t love me just for me. She had her own expectations. We communicated about it and worked it out but my reaction was waaay strong considering what was happening because I was changing deep patterns that don’t fit me at higher vibrational living.
All relationships in my life that are not based on mutual and clear love and respect are changing or dissolving. Some days I am ok with that, some days I am panicked!!! Once again, more opportunities to love myself even more.
Changes are occurring faster than you can imagine now. If you are on the ‘fast track”, and it is ok if you are not (probably saner and healthier) then all kinds of unexpected changes are happening in your life right now. It could be affecting your food preferences, your activity level, your goals, your driving habits, your job, and/or your relationships. There will be change wherever there is interaction that supports an old way of being – primarily one that limits you.
You know this. Haven’t you been really triggered lately by something or someone in your life that before just kind of irritated you but now you can hardly stand it or them? That is what I am talking about.
Just this week I experienced a shock from a change in the way I interact with someone in my family. Our relationship has an element that is based on me creating art for her. I haven’t been able to do it for a few years even though I keep saying yes. I sent her some necklaces recently made from some beads she purchased and she was hurt and disappointed that they were not what she asked for. When I first got the beads (8 months ago) I couldn’t make what she wanted and somehow forgot even what that was by the time I could make them, all because I wasn’t supposed to be continuing to interact with her out of obligation and trying to please her. I felt shocky and shaky because there was such a deep connection within me to wanting her love/approval and making stuff for her. Obviously she has the same deep connection too or she wouldn’t have been so hurt.
At first I couldn’t understand why she was hurt, then as I explored it further I realized it was exactly because she equated my love and worthiness of her love with creating jewelry and other art pieces that she liked (i.e. doing what she asked). I had a fear she would go away without that so I kept saying yes, even has it got heavier and heavier energetically, even as I healed other codependent relationships and ways of being. But we talked through it and I am content now and more comfortable in knowing I am loved and loveable no matter how she feels.
This worked because she was as open as I was and as interested in continuing the relationship. I have not had the same success with others. Only you can know if you are to let go or modify your interactions with someone. But believe me if you try to make no decision or change your actions your higher self will create the opportunity for it to happen anyway. In the meantime, breathe and relax. Know you are not alone and it will be fine.
The sign over the booth at the fair I went to this past weekend said “Encouraging Words”. I loved it and stopped in. It turned out to be a group of people doing free psychic readings for anyone who wanted one. I did. The reading was full of only good things about me, same for anyone else who stopped in. I asked why they were doing it and they said they just loved people and wanted to support them. How delightful
Do you know with every good thing they said I had an inner voice saying but not always or disagreeing with them or saying if they only knew? I didn’t mention it out loud and I didn’t think about it until later. But it was hard for me to just allow the good things to be said. I become more uncomfortable as the reading went on because I felt some part of me was fooling them, although, what they said was not wrong, just not the whole story.
So I have been practicing telling myself wonderful things, including how much I love myself. That inner voice is still there trying once in a while to tell me I am full of it, but it speaks less and the emotional charge is much less. As we integrate more of our higher selves/soul into our bodies, we will get many opportunities to love ourselves more thoroughly and get to know ourselves better (without all the negative illusions we carry around). They may not all be labeled so obviously but you will recognize them when they show up.
I played a game with myself for most of last year. I spent a lot of time visioning, with intention to manifest, winning the lottery; a big win with lots and lots of millions. Each and every time I imagined taking care of my health first – paying for the proper medical tests, getting the medicine and medical help I needed (no insurance), getting massages and/or chiropractic work regularly, and paying someone(s) for personal training and exercise motivation. After that I would get to do a lot of fun but expensive stuff (especially buy a new car). My visioning became so strong that I had to do some inner work about being present because so much of my energy was in my vision.
Then about the beginning of December the urge to look at gyms became strong and I actually joined one. I panicked slightly about the money commitment but the intuitive push was so strong I could not ignore it. A few weeks later I joined one of those massage membership places where you pay a small fee each month to get reasonably priced massages. I haven’t been as regular about going to either as I would have thought but I am doing more for myself than I did before. AND I got free medical insurance under the Affordable Care Act where all my medicines and medical visits are free also.
Recently I was griping to myself about not being able to generate more income or win the lottery when it hit me (hard I might add) that the immediate things I wanted to do with the money other than buy a new car DID come to me. I manifested it without winning the lottery. The gym I go to has all kinds of classes and free help with weight training, the massage place has extremely reasonable massages and I like the massage therapists, and my health is MUCH better since I have been able to go to the doctor regularly (I mean extremely better).
I manifested what was important for me. I am much more relaxed about life now and pretty amazed at what has shown up and how.
Do you ever find yourself doing something, or making a choice to go in a different direction without knowing why? I bet it is your intuitive guidance at work in a way that is new for you.
I have been extremely intuitive for a long time but how the intuition shows up has changed quite a bit. It used to be I just saw pictures in my head. Then I heard words, then I started feeling what other people are feeling (still trying to stop that one), then I just knew. I would expand my awareness to get to the information then, as I grew spiritually, it would come to me.
NOW it IS me. For instance yesterday I paid for some counseling that I would NEVER have done even 6 months ago. I didn’t even think about it. I saw the offer and just did it. I even had to contact the person making the offer because the link didn’t work. I actually didn’t even wonder why I was doing it until this morning. But the answer came very fast – it is the right thing for me to do right now.
I don’t question myself when those kinds of answers come.
So if you no longer get answers in your head or feel pulled ina direction, pay attention to what is happening. Maybe your dreams are different, or you have a deep knowing now.
In spite of years of spiritual awakening and all kinds of experiences that tell me otherwise I still sometimes question my intuition, especially if I have an emotional reaction to the guidance (as in I don’t want to follow it). However, at this point in my life my intuition is mostly spot on correct; I just don’t get all the information my mind may need to comfortably act in accordance with it.
For instance, I recently went to the eye doctor. I was all excited about getting new glasses but I kept hearing from my guidance very clearly that I wouldn’t be ordering them until March. If any of you know me, you know I am not the most patient of people. Even after years and years of growing and maturing in my spiritual mastery while in this very human body I still am very impatient and I didn’t want to wait to order glasses. I kept asking my guidance why and, like usual, I did not receive an answer or I couldn’t comprehend the answer that was given.
Once I saw the doctor, however, I received part of my answer. My eyes have reacted to my high blood sugar (which has been very high for probably about a year now) and the doctor told me to hold off on getting glasses until I had the blood sugar under better control. I saw a different doctor for the blood sugar issue 3 days later and got some new meds. It has been two weeks and the guidance hasn’t changed and the blood sugar is coming down – slowly. AAAAND it turns out the medical part of my vision care (the dr’s visit and all the tests, etc) are covered under the new insurance I get under the Affordable Care Act, which doesn’t kick in until somewhere near the end of March. So I can get the complete exam that I could not afford without the insurance.
Don’t you love it when things work out like that? Another example for me to remind me to trust my intuition (as long as I am sure it is my intuition and not my emotional/egoic self).
Thank you universe/spirit/ my guides for showing me where I needed to allow more and surrender more around income and financial support.
I used to hate when that happened, now I am grateful. I want to heal all the parts of me that do not trust that I am always provided for. Before this incident I would have told you I did trust and Iam lighter for it, BUT when a client who usually purchases sessions throughout the year recently took advantage and paid fort two packages at once (I offered her one) totaling 6 hours I freaked a little bit. I knew that meant she wouldn’t be purchasing additional time this year and I wondered if I would be short in the coming months because she banked so much of my time at a greatly discounted price.
That lasted an hour before I remembered that I am trusting and actually have had plenty of proof over the past few months that I AM now provided for. Although it may not look like I thought it would or be enough to have what I think I want, it is usually enough for what I need. So I took many breaths, moved my energy further into the knowing that I AM taken care of and that money flows perfectly for me, and I accepted the payment for the two packages totaling 6 hours.
So thank you Universe/guides for using her to help me trust even more. And thank her for trusting me enough to help on her spiritual evolutionary path that she paid for so much time with me. I am honored.