I am slowly learning more and more about who I am in this long drawn out ascension process. As I release all the shoulds and energy of others I discover what is underneath – the real me. Or at least the real me right now. Today I know I do not like even the idea of ever working in an office or any kind of 9 to 5/full time job ever again. I like having a variety of income producing experiences. I like having time in my day to do intense energy work if I want or to wander to the beach if I am called. I enjoy short intense bursts of times with certain clients as I assist them in packing, organizing, bookkeeping, marketing or facilitating spiritual/energetic healing.
This is important for me to fully accept and embrace because I have experienced money lack in the past and continue to look for jobs to mitigate the possibility of that ever happening again, as advised by well-meaning acquaintances. However, I can no longer even make myself apply to any job that is full time even though I am qualified. It is not part of my life path at this time and I am honoring that.
Living as a 5th or 6th dimensional being still needing to find comfort and support in a mostly 3rd dimensional world takes a lot of balancing and allowing. Honoring myself and my energy is my priority in this balancing act. The rest is just details.
I love synchronicities, don’t you? It is my way of knowing I am aligned with my higher purpose. I have been thanking God for abundance for weeks now, saying the Abundance Decree I got off of Facebook (I think from Irma Kaye Sawyer), which I have repeated below. While I haven’t had gobs of money come my way, I am certainly beginning to see the effects of my intentions.
Someone I spontaneously offered help with some healing took me out to dinner (my favorite too –sushi). She is not working so I was thrilled with the dinner. Then a few days later she unexpectedly paid me my full fee. I gratefully accepted.
Then I unexpectedly needed to do some work on my car. I panicked about how to pay for it then just walked into the fear, letting it flow surrendering it and all the anxiety to my higher self. I have to admit later in the day I wondered why I wasn’t more upset about it (yes I am weird that way). I thought it might be because I called someone to borrow money if I needed to.
This morning my guides took me on a little detour and I got lost while looking for the auto repair shop where I had made an appointment to get my car fixed. I ended up at a different place asking for directions. The owner said they were cheaper and talked me into using his place. I liked his attitude so much I agreed. He was right. It cost me the exact amount of the full fee I received the day before (minus a small amount for some groceries), a full $150 cheaper than the place I was headed to for repairs.
If that isn’t abundance in action, I don’t know what is.
I decree that I am a sovereign being of Spirit and of Earth and that divine prosperity is my birthright. I appreciate the opportunities that I have been given to experience all states of prosperity, including the lack of it to give me a complete and total education in this area. I DECREE that I NOW live in a state of grace and flow as a Divine Being and Child of the Universe. All that I require to live a comfortable existence flows to me with ease and grace. My life is prosperous and I also extend my abundance to others that may require assistance through grace and blessing. I decree now that Spirit will correct any misperceptions that I may carry regarding abundance so that I may find full faith and comfort in these facts. I understand also that abundance may come in many forms including money, energy, opportunities, and contacts with others. And so it is!!
So what is your overriding purpose in this life? You will know it by how you feel when you are in it and by how easily circumstances, events and people support you doing it.
My purpose here on earth is spiritual growth. It overrides and overshadows every decision, action, reaction and circumstance. I know there are those who have said we are all here to grow but that seems to be my human purpose, my higher purpose, and my underlying governing purpose - to the exclusion of everything else.
That means if I get too comfortable in a home or a relationship or a job, something happens to shake things up. It is not an easy way to live, however, when I can remember that this is my purpose I handle everything else so much easier.
I have been resisting and resenting my recent move from my own apartment to renting a room and a bath in someone’s home. I now know that my higher self has been communicating with me to move since late last fall as I was not growing by staying in the same apartment, doing the same things over and over. At first I thought I was moving to another state but soon found out that wasn’t true. I resisted moving inland, away from the ocean, to a smaller place or living with someone else and got angrier and angrier about it until my financial and health circumstances forced this kind of arrangement.
Remember, if you don’t pay attention to the gentle nudging it becomes much harsher until you take action. So one day (yes, on the same day) I fell and broke my arm and my rental agreement was terminated so my landlord could renovate (and raise the rent substantially). I couldn’t work much, couldn’t pay the bills, and had to move. I am sorry it took so much emotional and physical pain to get me to take a different action and to push me into allowing help but it worked.
That is how you know you are in alignment with your higher purpose and higher self - things just flow. Some wonderful people helped me out financially and with food. The right place showed up within a week, the right people packed me up, put my stuff in storage, moved me and unpacked me. It was the easiest move I have ever made.
Of course, some part of me still wasn’t happy about it. Huge parts of me have been in denial and doing their best to absent themselves from my presence. That means I have been feeling bad emotionally and physically for a few weeks. Yesterday I surrendered and brought me all back together again. I feel so much better. Once I re-oriented to my purpose – constant, deep expansion and ascension – the inner peace returned.
To the person who is trying to get off this blog list – you are unsubscribing ME at my yahoo email address not you. That is why you keep getting the blogs. You can either send me your email and I will unsubscribe you or go to my website and do it yourself.
Out of all the intensity this week one beautiful thing has emerged for me – a greater acceptance and appreciation of, and security in, ME. That means the energy within me has changed that attracts people who feel the need to correct me, use me, project their anger on to me, demand obedience from me, or need me to build up their egos or enable them. Of course it also means I no longer need to do or allow any of this for any reason, including fear of losing a job, a friend or support.
I am now able to objectively look at how much of my interactions with others have been governed by that inner fear of being alone, not being loved, not having income, doing something wrong and then getting hurt (but not knowing it would be wrong before I did it), etc. You could say this was all learned in an abusive childhood or I brought it all in with me through parents who just reinforced it. Either way, it seems that another layer of it is gone.
With that a few more friends seem to have faded away – or at least it feels that way right now. I am also able to react a little more calmly to people who feel the need to correct me or control me. I am actually amused (and appalled) at how many of those people are in my life. But then, if that is my energy doesn’t it makes sense?
So I am spending a lot of time alone these days, integrating and expanding, providing energetic and emotional space for new acquaintances and friends who are also embracing their true joyful selves.
This awakening process we are all experiencing is something isn’t it? All kinds of interesting things are happening to us while we shift, such as random body pains, changing tastes in food and all sorts of entertainment, perhaps even fatigue and energy surges. You may also find that certain acquaintances or friends just kind of fade away or you no longer are drawn to them. Well, another side effect is that you may need to change your support system – your doctor, massage therapist, dental hygienist, chiropractor, bank, or grocery store.
I recently had to stop seeing a chiropractor who has been kind enough to trade my marketing and business skills for his chiropractic skills. I like him a lot and I have been thrilled with the trade. He really helped me the first 6 months or so I saw him. I really have been sort of resisting changing emotionally but my body stopped allowing any restorative care about 9 months ago. My body responded if something went out in my back or neck and needed immediate re-aligning but no long term restorative measures were being allowed (certain parts of my spine just stopped responding). I didn’t want to stop seeing him because it is such a comfort to have someone I can trade with to help my body and I am afraid I won’t find it again. I do not yet earn enough money to pay for that kind of support on a continuous basis. I kept trying to find out why from my intuition, putting off the inevitable, until I finally (and VERY clearly) heard that our vibrations no longer match and I need to stop going.
It is just that simple. It has nothing to do with the distance from my home to his office, his chiropractic skills, any part of me not wanting to get better, or anything else I was trying to make the problem. I have changed so much our vibrations no longer match and as I am being guided to do only that which matches my vibration or supports it. I have to stop seeing this particular chiropractor.
I am learning to accept this simple concept and to be at peace with not being able to explain it to most people.
You know what? It is time to celebrate you. Let’s show how much you love and accept all of yourself by having a huge party. WOO HOO!!
Let’s introduce all the parts of you that have been pretending to be separate and alone, ok? We're going to invite the money making part to join with the soul expanding and growing part. I invited the part of you that already knows you are in perfect health and the part of you that has done such a good job of activating the challenges that have helped you grow. Who else? Oh yes, how about inviting all the magnificent parts you have been hiding from even yourself? Let's also inviting your lovely heart energy to join us, after all this party is taking place in your heart. I am inviting the shy parts, the cautious parts, the parts pretending to be hopeless, the part that knows you are loved and that you are open to loving. We can invite the nurturing parts and the needy parts, the insecure parts and the protector parts, and the disbelieving part and the all-knowing part (well that part is always there, it will just be more obvious now). Please, make sure the invitations go to every single emotional part created from every trauma and triumph you have ever experienced.
OOOH, this is so much fun. Let all of these parts meet each other. Surprise!! They already know each other, they just forgot that. I love seeing and feeling all those parts mix it up. Feel the energy rise now as they all relax and begin to enjoy themselves. Can you tell what is happening? They are remembering how alive and energizing it is to be connected to each other. If you are really paying attention you will notice how relaxed and allowing every part is becoming. Wait – are they disappearing? NOOOO they are just laughingly and lovingly integrating. YAHOO!! You are SO strong now, so allowing and so open. Great Party.
We get so worked up over playing the game. A game we CHOOSE to play. For instance:
What game? Well I was referring to the online card game called Free Cell but doesn’t that pretty much describe the game of Life? And isn’t it so fun that the universe gives us so many ways of telling us to lighten up and have fun playing?
WOW! Who would have thought it would take so long to get over missing the excitement of new things.
With detachment comes mourning. I loved the high of buying new clothing and other items, of discovering and enjoying new restaurants and connecting with new people. I am no longer getting that high because I am much more detached from things in the everyday physical world. I chose to fulfill my satisfaction needs from inner growth and expansion, never realizing how long the mourning phase might be.
Some part of me keeps driving me to look for that satisfaction outside of me even though it no longer happens. A similar thing happened with my attachment to drama. I let go of the drama a long time ago but part of me has missed it so much that every once in a while I try to recreate it. It is VERY short lived though just like the satisfaction from outside things is no longer occurring.
I am not dissatisfied with ‘stuff’ it just isn’t needed for my internal contentment and doesn’t bring even short lived happiness; kind of a weird feeling but also exhilarating. This is what I wanted and I got it. That happens rather rarely to me and I want to bask in appreciation of it. (Picture me wallowing and splashing around in it!! LOL!!)
It also means that listening to my guidance is SOooooOOo much easier. My emotions and ego are not drowning it out. What a difference that makes, although I felt lost for a while since most of my decisions were based on my emotional reaction rather than what is in the highest and best good for me. I am gradually adjusting to life guided both deeply and superficially by my intuitive wisdom.
Your higher self will use ANYTHING to help you awaken to your infinite potential – body pain, relationship drama, loss of income (or potential loss), etc. Yes, it can be through joy and awareness too but if you are resisting or in fear, it shows up a different way. The easiest way to handle it is to be aware of the pattern and relax into it as quickly as possible. Look at your life, where is your main focus of worry or what recurring patterns of fear are there?
If I am resisting change or not in alignment with my highest good my income usually drops dramatically and immediately. If there is something I don’t want to look at or am afraid of I eat a lot or I eat food that is unhealthy for me. I have a friend who gets certain specific kinds of body pains as soon as she is in resistance to whatever is the next perfect direction for her to take. Another friend gets hit in her main relationship. We don’t even talk about what is going on the surface of our lives when these kinds of things happen; we delve into where the resistance or fear is.
This week after someone cancelled, at almost the last minute, a job that I thought I desperately needed in order to have enough money to pay May’s rent, I spent a lot of time doing inner healing. This was after someone else had already cancelled a different appointment (although not at the last minute) so I was very shaken by it all. After a few hours of tantruming (yes, I still do that even though I know better), I decided something must need to change because this was so obviously a sign of something being awry.
I loved up the desperation because I have been guided for a few years towards believing and trusting that I will be taken care of financially (I am not there yet), I surrendered the reigns of control through needing it to look a certain way this week, and I dropped all cords attached to anyone I wanted to meet my needs. I also (AGAIN!!) worked on my deep inner beliefs that I have to be poor to be very spiritual and that I cannot have the deep intense inner shifts while also working so hard in the physical world. I had to allow some help from my spiritual team to heal my first reaction that I did something wrong the week before when all the drama around this week’s income began. I imagined relaxing and allowing the flow of my infinite, higher vibrational self to be easier and I, once again, aligned with the energy of comfort and ease in my physical life. It was a lot of inner allowing and some work.
The next day someone called for me to work a very long, but lucrative, day. While I was doing that someone else called for a healing session. Today someone else called to schedule a healing session.
I am glad I allowed it to resolve so quickly and I am thrilled at the deeper level of trust within me.
I was recently upset at myself when I recognized that I still felt contemptuous about and repulsed by my body. More than that I was beyond being at my wits end as to why this is still true even after years of working on this. I know part of these feelings exist because I just have a hard time being encased in a physical body when I want to be out flying around the universe, but this time something more seemed to be coming up. As I sat with these feelings I realized I was holding on to a lot of frozen hurt, shame and memories of where I allowed or created abuse for one reason or another. They seemed to be held in my body.
I am aware that everyone plays a role in our lives, a role that we created, asked for or agreed to in order to experience or heal something, so I began by forgiving all who I believed abused me or hurt me. I forgave and blessed all who left me and those I felt I had to let go of. I felt a little bit of movement and a smaller bit of relaxation.
Then I realized that the real issue wasn’t what anyone else did to me or what I did to them, it was what I allowed and what I did to myself.
I then began forgiving myself. I specifically asked for healing for all the places within my energy and my body where I still held on to abuse/abusive or victim/perpetrator energy, and then expanded it throughout all of who I am on all levels.
Boy was I on the right track. I felt the energy moving through me. I cried, I laughed and cried some more. I shook and shuddered uncontrollably. I felt cold where this stuck energy was released and a little seasick from so much movement.
I felt my expansive, truel self a little more afterwards. And the feelings of self-repulsion were gone.