I am being guided to change: to erect and maintain boundaries, to love myself more, to enjoy myself more and to value myself enough to say no more often no matter what others’ reactions are. Progress seems to me to be very slow but the process goes hand in hand with opening to the true me in my spiritual evolution.
I have been too accommodating. I have been so willing to drop everything I am doing to help my friends, or do what they want to do. I put off my own activities to sit on the phone and talk. I even cancel much needed jobs to visit when they want to. I once almost flew across the country because a family member wanted it even though I was running a high fever and couldn’t breathe very well. So I get my feelings hurt a lot when they only want to fit me in their schedules when it is convenient for them, unwilling to rearrange even minor errands to see me after I drive for a few hours to visit, and when they get very angry at me when I must take care of myself (as in the case of cancelling the cross country flight because I was too sick to fly).
Do I need new friends? Do I need my own boundaries? YES
You know how it is - when it is time to change, your higher self ramps up the opportunities to do so. You will have a new boss that is the embodiment of all you are trying to let go of, your friends’ behaviors will become more obvious and irritating (or hurtful), or you might react stronger to everything. You make different choices, and then you react. I shook for almost an hour at one point last week after telling someone I would no longer make anything for her (jewelry, art). My actions were based on me wanting her approval and love and some underlying fear that she wouldn’t love me just for me. She had her own expectations. We communicated about it and worked it out but my reaction was waaay strong considering what was happening because I was changing deep patterns that don’t fit me at higher vibrational living.
All relationships in my life that are not based on mutual and clear love and respect are changing or dissolving. Some days I am ok with that, some days I am panicked!!! Once again, more opportunities to love myself even more.
Changes are occurring faster than you can imagine now. If you are on the ‘fast track”, and it is ok if you are not (probably saner and healthier) then all kinds of unexpected changes are happening in your life right now. It could be affecting your food preferences, your activity level, your goals, your driving habits, your job, and/or your relationships. There will be change wherever there is interaction that supports an old way of being – primarily one that limits you.
You know this. Haven’t you been really triggered lately by something or someone in your life that before just kind of irritated you but now you can hardly stand it or them? That is what I am talking about.
Just this week I experienced a shock from a change in the way I interact with someone in my family. Our relationship has an element that is based on me creating art for her. I haven’t been able to do it for a few years even though I keep saying yes. I sent her some necklaces recently made from some beads she purchased and she was hurt and disappointed that they were not what she asked for. When I first got the beads (8 months ago) I couldn’t make what she wanted and somehow forgot even what that was by the time I could make them, all because I wasn’t supposed to be continuing to interact with her out of obligation and trying to please her. I felt shocky and shaky because there was such a deep connection within me to wanting her love/approval and making stuff for her. Obviously she has the same deep connection too or she wouldn’t have been so hurt.
At first I couldn’t understand why she was hurt, then as I explored it further I realized it was exactly because she equated my love and worthiness of her love with creating jewelry and other art pieces that she liked (i.e. doing what she asked). I had a fear she would go away without that so I kept saying yes, even has it got heavier and heavier energetically, even as I healed other codependent relationships and ways of being. But we talked through it and I am content now and more comfortable in knowing I am loved and loveable no matter how she feels.
This worked because she was as open as I was and as interested in continuing the relationship. I have not had the same success with others. Only you can know if you are to let go or modify your interactions with someone. But believe me if you try to make no decision or change your actions your higher self will create the opportunity for it to happen anyway. In the meantime, breathe and relax. Know you are not alone and it will be fine.
The sign over the booth at the fair I went to this past weekend said “Encouraging Words”. I loved it and stopped in. It turned out to be a group of people doing free psychic readings for anyone who wanted one. I did. The reading was full of only good things about me, same for anyone else who stopped in. I asked why they were doing it and they said they just loved people and wanted to support them. How delightful
Do you know with every good thing they said I had an inner voice saying but not always or disagreeing with them or saying if they only knew? I didn’t mention it out loud and I didn’t think about it until later. But it was hard for me to just allow the good things to be said. I become more uncomfortable as the reading went on because I felt some part of me was fooling them, although, what they said was not wrong, just not the whole story.
So I have been practicing telling myself wonderful things, including how much I love myself. That inner voice is still there trying once in a while to tell me I am full of it, but it speaks less and the emotional charge is much less. As we integrate more of our higher selves/soul into our bodies, we will get many opportunities to love ourselves more thoroughly and get to know ourselves better (without all the negative illusions we carry around). They may not all be labeled so obviously but you will recognize them when they show up.
I played a game with myself for most of last year. I spent a lot of time visioning, with intention to manifest, winning the lottery; a big win with lots and lots of millions. Each and every time I imagined taking care of my health first – paying for the proper medical tests, getting the medicine and medical help I needed (no insurance), getting massages and/or chiropractic work regularly, and paying someone(s) for personal training and exercise motivation. After that I would get to do a lot of fun but expensive stuff (especially buy a new car). My visioning became so strong that I had to do some inner work about being present because so much of my energy was in my vision.
Then about the beginning of December the urge to look at gyms became strong and I actually joined one. I panicked slightly about the money commitment but the intuitive push was so strong I could not ignore it. A few weeks later I joined one of those massage membership places where you pay a small fee each month to get reasonably priced massages. I haven’t been as regular about going to either as I would have thought but I am doing more for myself than I did before. AND I got free medical insurance under the Affordable Care Act where all my medicines and medical visits are free also.
Recently I was griping to myself about not being able to generate more income or win the lottery when it hit me (hard I might add) that the immediate things I wanted to do with the money other than buy a new car DID come to me. I manifested it without winning the lottery. The gym I go to has all kinds of classes and free help with weight training, the massage place has extremely reasonable massages and I like the massage therapists, and my health is MUCH better since I have been able to go to the doctor regularly (I mean extremely better).
I manifested what was important for me. I am much more relaxed about life now and pretty amazed at what has shown up and how.
Do you ever find yourself doing something, or making a choice to go in a different direction without knowing why? I bet it is your intuitive guidance at work in a way that is new for you.
I have been extremely intuitive for a long time but how the intuition shows up has changed quite a bit. It used to be I just saw pictures in my head. Then I heard words, then I started feeling what other people are feeling (still trying to stop that one), then I just knew. I would expand my awareness to get to the information then, as I grew spiritually, it would come to me.
NOW it IS me. For instance yesterday I paid for some counseling that I would NEVER have done even 6 months ago. I didn’t even think about it. I saw the offer and just did it. I even had to contact the person making the offer because the link didn’t work. I actually didn’t even wonder why I was doing it until this morning. But the answer came very fast – it is the right thing for me to do right now.
I don’t question myself when those kinds of answers come.
So if you no longer get answers in your head or feel pulled ina direction, pay attention to what is happening. Maybe your dreams are different, or you have a deep knowing now.
In spite of years of spiritual awakening and all kinds of experiences that tell me otherwise I still sometimes question my intuition, especially if I have an emotional reaction to the guidance (as in I don’t want to follow it). However, at this point in my life my intuition is mostly spot on correct; I just don’t get all the information my mind may need to comfortably act in accordance with it.
For instance, I recently went to the eye doctor. I was all excited about getting new glasses but I kept hearing from my guidance very clearly that I wouldn’t be ordering them until March. If any of you know me, you know I am not the most patient of people. Even after years and years of growing and maturing in my spiritual mastery while in this very human body I still am very impatient and I didn’t want to wait to order glasses. I kept asking my guidance why and, like usual, I did not receive an answer or I couldn’t comprehend the answer that was given.
Once I saw the doctor, however, I received part of my answer. My eyes have reacted to my high blood sugar (which has been very high for probably about a year now) and the doctor told me to hold off on getting glasses until I had the blood sugar under better control. I saw a different doctor for the blood sugar issue 3 days later and got some new meds. It has been two weeks and the guidance hasn’t changed and the blood sugar is coming down – slowly. AAAAND it turns out the medical part of my vision care (the dr’s visit and all the tests, etc) are covered under the new insurance I get under the Affordable Care Act, which doesn’t kick in until somewhere near the end of March. So I can get the complete exam that I could not afford without the insurance.
Don’t you love it when things work out like that? Another example for me to remind me to trust my intuition (as long as I am sure it is my intuition and not my emotional/egoic self).
Thank you universe/spirit/ my guides for showing me where I needed to allow more and surrender more around income and financial support.
I used to hate when that happened, now I am grateful. I want to heal all the parts of me that do not trust that I am always provided for. Before this incident I would have told you I did trust and Iam lighter for it, BUT when a client who usually purchases sessions throughout the year recently took advantage and paid fort two packages at once (I offered her one) totaling 6 hours I freaked a little bit. I knew that meant she wouldn’t be purchasing additional time this year and I wondered if I would be short in the coming months because she banked so much of my time at a greatly discounted price.
That lasted an hour before I remembered that I am trusting and actually have had plenty of proof over the past few months that I AM now provided for. Although it may not look like I thought it would or be enough to have what I think I want, it is usually enough for what I need. So I took many breaths, moved my energy further into the knowing that I AM taken care of and that money flows perfectly for me, and I accepted the payment for the two packages totaling 6 hours.
So thank you Universe/guides for using her to help me trust even more. And thank her for trusting me enough to help on her spiritual evolutionary path that she paid for so much time with me. I am honored.
Would you like to open your heart more? Want to provide the inner space to receive? Be silly and day dream without any thought to the practicalities.
Think of all the fun, silly, sacred, magical things you can do or create. Dreaming up your list of desired events or experiences is the perfect way to open your inner self to more possibilities. Don’t let your notion of how, cost or timing get in the way of your outrageous desire for delight. In other words, do not hold back on dreaming up what you want. Just let yourself feel the wonderful expansion that comes when you think about these things. I just put everything on the list I want to do or be able to do in my life
Here’s mine in no particular order (warning – I share everything and I am not practical at all):
Take a boat tour amidst dolphins.
Visit my college roommate, who lives across the country.
Visit my brother and his kids enough that the kids grow up knowing me.
Tour northern Italy.
Dance with and hanging from silk rope (like a trapeze artist)
Jump out of a plane just once (and get it filmed).
Go back to Paris and leisurely explore.
See the northeast US – Boston, Maine, etc.
Experience a tender, intimate (and physically satisfying relationship with a man.
Feel comfortably part of a community.
Spend time with a personal trainer in the perfect environment with all the exactly perfect equipment for me.
Increase my flexibility and stamina in a fun way.
Create and cherish friendships with people locally.
Experience the freedom again to create art when I want to.
Love myself thoroughly no matter what I weigh or the status of my health or wealth.
Take pleasure every day in the sacred beauty of this world and my relationship to it and in it.
Be able to digest the foods I desire OR only desire the foods I can digest easily.
Have beautiful real flowers in my house/apt every single day.
Go to and spend days at Disney world – until I am sick of it.
Go to India in a comfortable way.
Live in a home that is so open it feels like living outside (in comfort).
Be able to assist other people as guided with NO thought towards income and no need to think about it.
WHAT WOULD YOU PUT ON YOUR LIST??
I am 54 - well past the age where I should have to even bother with how I look. I am definitely in the wise woman stage of my life. I started working out to improve my health yet the vast amount of 'crap' around looks and weight that is moving on up and out to be healed and loved up obfuscated the whole reason I thought I was guided to join a gym. I am surprised there is still so much, including the belief that if I am not thin enough or look good enough (according to some standard I will never meet) I won't find a partner. And maybe THAT IS one of the reasons I was pretty much pushed into a gym – to heal all that stuff.
(Now, mind you, I have never had a partner in this life even though I still seem to be clinging to the notion that I want one. In my continuing inner discovery of who I am I might find out I really don't, but not yet.)
I seem to have lost the focus of better health and fortifying my body to hold the vast amount of energies that flow through and want to stick, as well as releasing anything that no longer resonates with the incredibly high vibration my body is moving into. The incredibly wonderful notion that I am bringing all the spiritual energy fully into the body (FINALLY) just went away as I go to a gym every day where people work out to look good and as all that stuff that I sublimated as I have lived is purging itself out of me (oh and as the owner of another place I joined to use machines to help reduce inflammation and heal joint pain decided he needed to talk to me about my food choices to ‘help’ me lose weight).
So I have taken a step back and regained my focus. I am projecting my unconditionally loving heart energy through me, forgiving myself for lowering my vibration in the face of so many other people’s issues and in the midst of all my inner clearings. I am envisioning that same lovely god energy/all that is/loving energy flowing through the two places I work out to help me remember to be who I truly am when I go. I am considering this just another place to practice being me no matter what else is going on while all the experiences combine to help me continue to expand my awareness of who I am.
What happens to you when you stop and be still? I have been practicing that each night, along with loving myself thoroughly. I have ‘worked’ through so much inner old karma, past life memories, stored emotions and debilitating beliefs and expectations that I am now in a space to be the love I know I am (we all are). Well, for this week, anyway.
Tonight: As I lay here dipping into a higher version of love, I feel the energy flow deep within me – through my body, my emotions, my psyche even. I also begin to hear the never ending voices from many aspects of my higher self reassuring me. At this moment nothing is wrong, nothing needs to be completed, nothing needs to be changed. I am one with the love that I AM. I feel opening within my body’s energy as I get intuitive glimpses of hurts and constrictions dissolving. Every thought is sacred and I am in love with everyone I think of.
In this oneness of love my future does not come to me. I hear that the future is going to be so different that I cannot imagine it and will not limit it by seeing it now while I am still in the grip of some mental and emotional limitations. I am reminded how much more comfortable I am in my body and that the previous underlying ever present flow of fear has not been felt this week.
I am ‘shown’ (it is communicated to me) how much positive effect I can have on the surrounding energies by being in this love place. It is so much more than I could have logically explained. The effect is huge, moving through time, space and matter easily and swiftly. I love that.
I appreciate. Period. I appreciate.