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Thursday, 26 August 2010 01:00

vision into me

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I spent the past three weeks in a health crisis because of some pretty intense inner conflict and resistance.  My poor system needed relief of some sort and I was so clogged up energetically and emotionally that it was trying to let off steam physically.  Of course the health stuff then contributed to me feeling even more scared, which didn’t help the emotions.

I prayed for help and did receive some lovely energy assistance from a good awakening facilitator, Linda White Dove (www.lindawhitedove.com), as well as bits and pieces from several other individuals, but you know how it is when you are not ready – nothing moves.  I must have needed to spend more time being still and wasn’t listening because my car began acting up so I took it in the shop and the car I thought I could use wouldn’t start either.  This whole week I have been without transportation and so drained because of the inner conflict I didn’t want to walk to any place too far away.  I have had plenty of time to be with myself.

My pattern of wanting to be rescued/saved when this stuff gets very intense was up strongly for the past few days and I reached out to all sorts of people but there was very little response.  It was all in perfect timing because the less help I got the more frustrated I became and the more intense the need to allow a change. Finally yesterday someone helped me address this part of me so I could then allow whatever else was needed to progress.

I began embracing every part of me that wanted and demanded rescuing.  I told each part that I was here for her and would always be here.  It has been awhile since I so firmly declared myself capable and focused on taking care of all my own emotional needs.  In my intuitive vision I embraced many different parts and as they each felt the truth of what I said they integrated.   As all the integration progressed, I could feel myself getting lighter and more solid; taking my power back by declaring that I would be here for myself is VERY empowering.

Each of these emotional parts was created during a time of feeling hurt.  As I was embracing them the info came to me that because I was hurt so badly I can’t stand to see or sense anyone else hurting and I took on the responsibility of helping or saving anyone else who has a lot of hurt.  Then I would be angry because here I am trying to help others when I can’t get help or haven’t been able to help myself.

So I began allowing the energy of this responsibility to shift to let it go.  But first I had to tell a lot of people that it wasn’t my job to take care of them.  I mean I had to tell the people that showed up in my vision.  It was very difficult and got much easier once I began blessing them and reminding them, as well as me, that it isn’t my job.

Because it was hard to just let all the responsibility energy go, I needed to walk away from it and let it just drop.  My vision shifted to where I was walking on a path in a forest with very tall redwood trees that were blocking out the sun.  It looked like hordes of people were behind me reaching out for help.  They were slowed by trees that kept popping up in their way.  I had a difficult time walking away from them and kept looking back.  This is where I began blessing them.  The more I blessed the thinner the crowd got and the more I could see the sun.  I released some sadness about letting go and fear from wondering who the heck am I without all of this.

As the sun became very visible I was able to turn forward and continue on the path only it changed from a forest to a beautiful meadow with very brightly colored flowers and gorgeous dragonflies.  What looked like glowing angels were in front of me with their hands out offering to help guide me in my next few steps.  I could look back and see the forest and look forward to this meadow.

I was still wondering who I was and how I would interact with people without the need to save anyone or the deep desire to be saved (especially by people who couldn’t do it).  I had a muted sense of a lot of limitations falling away and deep creativity being accessed but it was like looking of feeling through fog.  Nothing was very clear to me.

Then the angels showed me a spot that had been waiting for me. In my psychic vision it just looked like an empty spot in the meadow but I knew it was for me.  I walked into it and felt a settling inside of me similar to the feeling of being home.  I let that integrate and then took the hand of the closest angel.  We moved forward and then the vision ended.

Today I woke up tired from lack of sleep but very still and calm inside, very grounded.  My food cravings are gone and my need to frenetically make something happen in my life is also gone.  I am accepting of several changes in my life that I have been noticing and very aware of the beauty of life.  I appreciate my willingness to go to the depths to allow changes and the help I have received to make it all happen – from humans and the spirit world.

Next Spiritual Boost Teleconference:  September 16

Want to make big changes in your life?  I am happy to assist you. Contact me through my website or email me.

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