It’s so quiet and calm. Such a new feeling and experience for me. Let me tell you why.
I have been known as a rather high strung person (told to me by people who really meant something was wrong with me). My own mother used to call me intense. No matter what I did I just couldn’t relax or feel safe. I have always pushed myself hard to overachieve at what I thought was important and to still work hard when I didn’t really need to achieve anything. I worried, had immense anxiety even when it looked like nothing was wrong, and have had to manage several chronic physical conditions either caused or exacerbated by this intense constant fight or flight reaction/chemistry/emotion. This has taken quite a toll on my relationships, my health and my emotional well-being. I have gone to many therapists, prayed, begged and done an enormous amount of inner healing/growth for many years all to try to heal this.
I woke up last Thursday and it was gone. I had some incredible dreams during the week before where I was releasing the last of the issues/limiting beliefs creating that anxiety and stress, as well as several visions while in the midst of inner energy work and self-healing. I already wrote about one of them in a previous blog. There was also the normal (for me) inner part of me really protesting and resisting change even as I was creating the change.
The thing is I had no idea how loud psychically the inner anxiety/stress/worry was for me. I had no idea how strained my body has been in dealing with it. I also had no idea how much time was taken up with worrying, planning, feverishly thinking ahead to try to mitigate my anxiey and how stressed I felt rushing to make sure everything I was pushing myself to do got done. Not to mention (but I will) how much money I have spent on therapists, herbs, tinctures, teas, acupuncture, body work, and energy work to try to relax.
And it is gone. I am amazingly grateful. I waited almost a week to write about it because I didn’t trust that it was truly healed. I have been existing in the present moment so much more now that I am not as anxious, guarded or in the fight or flight mode. Even the few times I felt my brain begin to whirl around with worry I have been able to stop it almost immediately. I can feel how much more open I am now and I have already seen much better flow in many areas of my life because of it (something for another blog).
I feel like a different person- one who is so much more open to possibilities and who is so much more aware of my sacred connection to my true eternal self than ever before. This has taken a long time and was wonderfully supported by the quarantine we have been under this year in that I had more time to spend in mediation and inner directed energy shifting.
So I guess in sharing all of this I want to remind you to not give up on your own inner self-growth and expansion. I have been there where I thought I was doing everything I could only to find out I was doing everything I could do AT THAT TIME and as I grew or my perceptions changed, what I could allow or do changed. And have I said how grateful I am that I stuck with it? I have more hope for a more loving and comfortable life now.