I was pondering for a few days about why I was having such a hard time accepting more positive things/events/people in my life. Every time I got to a place of inner calm, I would create some kind of inner drama and churn up my insides/emotions. I just couldn’t let go of anxiety, in a consistent way, or let my guard down. Clearly, I was able to grow enough to allow some of the more positive things to come to me – better business clients, improvement in health (that I haven’t seen in years), some steadier income, and over the last year or so, a new car that is very reliable, and a place to live on my own for a price I can afford. But even with a new part time job that will enable me to move to a better place, I still couldn’t relax.
It began to boil up (as these things do when I focus on them) and I psychically saw an inner child about 10 or 12 very committed to things not working out, as if it were her persona. This inner child didn’t feel like she had a place within me if she wasn’t complaining or on edge watching out for the next bad thing to happen. In my vision I began enveloping her in love. Then I asked that any of this energy and emotion that belonged to my ancestors (including mom and dad) be released. I asked for healing for the ancestors as I watched a lot of energy lift off of her like clouds clearing. Then she showed up as a tiny girl about 2 or 3 and was able to allow herself to be loved and integrated. I felt waves of emotion and energy flow through my body as she integrated.
I have been able to relax a bit since this happened and accept that my life is getting better, step by step. I was also able to be more grateful for the spiritual support that I know is there for me (and for all of us).