I am so grateful for the ocean and for my ability to allow deep inner processing. I am grateful for the client who so brilliantly triggered me to be able to access some deeply held issues of unworthiness to allow them to heal.
I am an independent contractor who works for various people as a business assistant, property manager and various other business-related jobs. I found myself very upset with one of the people I work with as my values just do not match his. I don’t like the lack of compassion and respect for others and the worshipping of money above all else but the job filled a gap in my income. It came to me so easily I knew I had to take it. Also, my intuition was very clear about not quitting. Although I kept feeling as if I could finally quit by the end of October.
Over time as my frustrations (and disgust) grew I kept checking in with my intuition and kept hearing don’t quit yet. I was finally able to disengage from my reactions and emotions to take a step back and try to figure out what was going on with me. I found my lack of self-worth and childhood trauma made it very difficult for me to set boundaries, stop any codependent behavior, and not take responsibility for anyone else’s actions/decisions. So I took the next step in healing that.
The emotions/issues felt like they were embedded into my foundation energy. I was wiped out each day with the shifting energies – plus trying not to get swept up in the world issues. I was guided to go to the ocean. I only live 4 miles from the ocean but hadn’t been there in a long time. Over several days of walking on the beach, a LOT of old energy cleared. It had been percolating for a few months, and intensely disengaging from where it was embedded for 5 days but it took 3 days at the ocean to release and begin the inner healing. The first day of walking at the ocean I heard I would be leaving the job at the end of September.
After all of that I let go. I let go of my reactions to this person, my need for him to change, and my need to step in and apologize for his choices/actions. As I have healed the areas from where this old energy came, I am also finding myself calmer about my financial future. I feel the potential of standing in my power and allowing and knowing. I am more aware of my self-worth.
Today on the beach (it is now a week after I took my first walk on the beach) I realized it doesn’t matter if I quit or stay. The reason for the job is done. This phase of my growth has been very successful. I am grateful.