It has been a frantic week of me trying to connect with the part of me that just cannot accept myself. My emotions and blood sugar have been all over the place as I alternate between frustration, determination, denial and begging.
Someone else reached out to me for help with her situation and in the midst of helping her I was able to find the part of me so weakened and depressed that no matter how much healing I have done it would never have been enough without healing this part of me too. In my vision it looked like an adult version of me slumped in a chair with all kinds of tubes (that looked like branches) jammed into me sucking away my life force. I had to release all those on the other end of those branches/tubes (ancestors, teachers, various people who wanted help, family, soul family etc) and begin to help this part of me heal before the tubes would disappear. I also had to really love up the part of me that was healing because it hurt to let go of those tubes. In my vision it was a physical hurt, in the part of me more aware it was emotional.
This part of me is so depleted all I can do is love her and allow all kinds of nourishment to be offered. In the meantime the area she (this part of me) was held is dissolving as I allow this deep shift. First the tubes all disappeared, then the chair, and now the area of the vision that was created to hold all of this is dissolving. It is different than other deep shifts in that I do not feel elated about it. I am cautious and as soft and loving as I can be. This is something very deeply embedded and created in other lives and through the soul family.
I did such a good job trying to deny this part of me and to put so many layers between her and my conscious awareness that it took this long to find her. She is depleted and sad at the neglect, the fact that no matter how much was taken from her it wasn’t enough to help others the way she thought it would and that she was trapped in this by someone she believed in and loved (a teacher of mine but mostly ME).
In m y visions she still looks very very sick and depleted but she is not losing any of her energy right now. I know she will be offered as much of my healing and regenerating energy as she can handle until she can re-integrate. I am grateful to be shown this and be guided on how to allow healing.
So you have your ‘story’ – this happened and that happened – that you thought defined you. Used to be when you told it you were angry, hurt, outraged, depressed. You told it again and again; sometimes for sympathy, sometimes to ease the hurt. It seemed to be embedded in who you were. Then you cried, you screamed, you analyzed, and you did therapy, maybe even some inner child work. You tried every meditation and energy healing you could afford. One day when you were either with a new therapist or getting to know someone new as you told your story it sounded like someone else’s. You didn’t react to it at all. You might have even stopped talking right in the middle of a sentence because even though it technically is a true story, it no longer seems like YOUR story.
The clues of this change were there all along. You might have lost interest in some of your friends or activities that you used to love. Your eating habits might have changed. Your desires, goals and reactions have also changed, probably surprising you as there was no warning before you just were different. .But then you really noticed it when repeating the ‘story’, perhaps for the last time.
We are energetically restructuring which is causing not only physical changes but huge emotional and spiritual ones too. As you grow you outgrow your ‘story’.
Now, what’s next?
Mindfulness, exploration, maybe even quiet satisfaction are what’s next. What is fundamentally important to you is changing – or being revealed. It is now safe to discover your true nature. You may be surprised. Take your time, let it bubble up from within. You will notice the signs. Your reactions may continue to change. For sure your intuition will get stronger. No matter what it will be a lovely and grand adventure beyond what your thoughts could create.